Defending the Raven

Bisexual. Married. Man. Open. Read On.

It’s Over

I’ve had this blog for over 4 years now. Sure it started over on blogger, but then moved to here because Google kept trying to merge my blog account and my regular account. The last four years have been some of the most amazing in my life. There have been incredible challenges, but also incredible returns and immense joy. I have “met” (quoted because I’ve only actually met one of you in person) some wonderful people who I am proud to call friends. However, like all good books this needs to end.

So I’m making it official. This blog is dead. I did not come to this decision lightly because I have appreciated immensely the process of blogging and the wonderful connections I’ve made with people. This is certainly not the ending – by no means. There are other outlets to keep in touch with people I know and the community of people that having this blog has led me to. And who knows I might reappear again some time down the road – just not here.

There are many things that have been left unwritten, but I will have to find a new way to express them. But the circumstances of my life right now make this choice the honest and healthy choice for me. Just know that I am in the absolute best place in my life that I have ever been, and I have SR right there with me. There are many, many unknowns – those unwritten stories – but the prognosis is strong.

I know there are thousands and thousands of abandoned blogs out there. And there are many more that just disappear. However, while I am letting this blog go, I will not give it up. It’s a part of who I am and always will be. Also, I have been profoundly grateful to have been contacted by other men in my situation who have found it useful. I have even been more grateful for the wives of bi men who have found me and thanked me for this blog.

As a bi married man I understand the tremendous agony and grief there is in coming to terms with one’s sexuality in the context of a marriage. I cannot claim to have done it all perfectly, but I can only claim to have been as honest as I could be and to hopefully provide comfort to those who feel they are alone.

To those people who find this blog you can always email me if you would like. I also highly recommend two online groups of support:

For bi/gay husbands — Husbands Out to Their Wives (HOW) is hosted on queernet but you can email Frazer Jones ( in order to gain access.

For wives of bi/gay menAlternate Path is a Yahoo group my wife has found useful.

Thank you all for your time, comfort, support, friendship, flirtations and most of all for reading. To quote one of my favorite blogger friends, Marcello….

I freaking love you guys,

Mark (aka Raven in NYC)


July 11, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | 8 Comments

On the Pulse of Morning

On the Pulse of Morning
by Maya Angelou

A Rock, A River, A Tree
Hosts to species long since departed,
Marked the mastodon.The dinosaur, who left dry tokens
Of their sojourn here
On our planet floor,
Any broad alarm of their hastening doom
Is lost in the gloom of dust and ages.

But today, the Rock cries out to us, clearly, forcefully,
Come, you may stand upon my
Back and face your distant destiny,
But seek no haven in my shadow.

I will give you no more hiding place down here.

You, created only a little lower than
The angels, have crouched too long in
The bruising darkness,
Have lain too long
Face down in ignorance.

Your mouths spilling words
Armed for slaughter.

The Rock cries out today, you may stand on me,
But do not hide your face.

Across the wall of the world,
A River sings a beautiful song,
Come rest here by my side.

Each of you a bordered country,
Delicate and strangely made proud,
Yet thrusting perpetually under siege.

Your armed struggles for profit
Have left collars of waste upon
My shore, currents of debris upon my breast.

Yet, today I call you to my riverside,
If you will study war no more. Come,

Clad in peace and I will sing the songs
The Creator gave to me when I and the
Tree and the stone were one.

Before cynicism was a bloody sear across your
Brow and when you yet knew you still
Knew nothing.

The River sings and sings on.

There is a true yearning to respond to
The singing River and the wise Rock.

So say the Asian, the Hispanic, the Jew
The African and Native American, the Sioux,
The Catholic, the Muslim, the French, the Greek
The Irish, the Rabbi, the Priest, the Sheikh,
The Gay, the Straight, the Preacher,
The privileged, the homeless, the Teacher.
They hear. They all hear
The speaking of the Tree.

Today, the first and last of every Tree
Speaks to humankind. Come to me, here beside the River.

Plant yourself beside me, here beside the River.

Each of you, descendant of some passed
On traveller, has been paid for.

You, who gave me my first name, you
Pawnee, Apache and Seneca, you
Cherokee Nation, who rested with me, then
Forced on bloody feet, left me to the employment of
Other seekers—desperate for gain,
Starving for gold.

You, the Turk, the Swede, the German, the Scot …
You the Ashanti, the Yoruba, the Kru, bought
Sold, stolen, arriving on a nightmare
Praying for a dream.

Here, root yourselves beside me.

I am the Tree planted by the River,
Which will not be moved.

I, the Rock, I the River, I the Tree
I am yours—your Passages have been paid.

Lift up your faces, you have a piercing need
For this bright morning dawning for you.

History, despite its wrenching pain,
Cannot be unlived, and if faced
With courage, need not be lived again.

Lift up your eyes upon
The day breaking for you.

Give birth again
To the dream.

Women, children, men,
Take it into the palms of your hands.

Mold it into the shape of your most
Private need. Sculpt it into
The image of your most public self.
Lift up your hearts
Each new hour holds new chances
For new beginnings.

Do not be wedded forever
To fear, yoked eternally
To brutishness.

The horizon leans forward,
Offering you space to place new steps of change.
Here, on the pulse of this fine day
You may have the courage
To look up and out upon me, the
Rock, the River, the Tree, your country.

No less to Midas than the mendicant.

No less to you now than the mastodon then.

Here on the pulse of this new day
You may have the grace to look up and out
And into your sister’s eyes, into
Your brother’s face, your country
And say simply
Very simply
With hope
Good morning.

November 5, 2008 Posted by | Uncategorized | 3 Comments


I’m off. Something’s off today. It’s not just me. There is something out there today. Something pulling and stretching the good and sexy vibe of the world. Maybe it’s the collective realization by everyone that summer is over. School’s in session and it’s back to the grind. No more vacations or long weekends planned. Time to focus on things to be done on the weekend and not the fun plans to be had. Fun went out the door when summer finally ended. Whatever it is, it’s fucking with me today.

I can’t hardly focus on anything. I’m working, but pushing papers around and not really accomplishing anything particularly noteworthy. I can’t even focus on twitter to get a good flow going there. I had one good conversation of note (with a gorgeously sexy woman who thinks I only want her equally sexy husband, but can’t seem to get past the fact that I’ve grown past simply lusting for him and totally into them as a couple), but that seems to have been the one off for the day. Plus she had a good morning and seems to have powered through (and by that I mean through the power of her vibrator) whatever stuff is bouncing out there.

But I think there is also residual effects of my bachelor week and reuniting with SR over the weekend. She flew in on Saturday, and right into a tropical storm, and she had to adjust to not being constantly going for work and of course a 5 hour time change. So while being back together and in the same bed was wonderful… we haven’t quite yet had the reunion she or I would have liked.

It probably also doesn’t help that I spent a good deal of time while she was away being the going flirtations slut that I am. Chatting, flirting, watching porn, jerking off, playing with my toys…. Mix them any and all which ways it might go and that was my week. Of course, it was an unrealistic, hedonistic bacchanal that can only have been enjoyed by me as someone who doesn’t get the alone time like that, dove right in to enjoyinig it, but realized pretty quickly that it left me lacking for more.

And while I would have needed a full on orgy this weekend with a mix of bodies and situations to fully satisfy that which I was building up for myself. So it was probably better that SR’s internal clock was cock blocking her.

But that still leaves me in this funky place. I think I need to get a little creative with planning for tonight. And we are LONG overdue for something more.

September 8, 2008 Posted by | Uncategorized | 3 Comments

Is Blogging Like Cheating?

“…I’ve begun to wonder – is there something about blogging, particularly adult blogging, that makes the bloggers undateable? I, for example, have been willing and able to put blogging aside when the situation warranted. Like when the New Yorker decided she wasn’t totally comfortable with it.

There would obviously be a fair sized irony there, for me at least. That I started blogging to get over heartache and to try to sort out my life with regard to dating only to make myself undateable? I’m not sure that any of the three of us -actually- are but we all seem to feel that way. To the adult bloggers in the audience – do you feel that way too? To those of you reading along, what are your thoughts?

Obviously, none of us have trouble finding playmates. I guess what I’m wondering is whether blogging, like the law, is a jealous mistress.”

From A Bad Man In A Bad Place

I found this quote fascinating because it’s something I’ve struggled with. SR knows that this blog exists. She knows that I have made some online friends through it or Twitter. I’ve even introduced her to some of the people that I’ve become friendly with. However, I’ve also asked her not to read the blog because it is often very frank and open… and well there’s all the pictures. Thing is she can easily come my blog whenever she wants. She insists she doesn’t read it, but I wonder if she doesn’t check it out sometimes just because.

Thing is I know that the blog is a tough thing for her. She doesn’t quite understand the point of it and she doesn’t get that I enjoy talking with new people online. But she doesn’t mind that I do it and she understands that it plays an important role for me.

However, I do know that this blog is hard for her. The reason is two-fold. First, she knows that I talk about her on it. I think she is afraid of the perception that I might put out there about her. She wonders what people who read my blog think of her. I try my best to fair to her, but I know there have been times when I’ve been venting that I might make her out to be who she isn’t exactly.  I often talk about the tough parts of our relationship and some of the most private. And while it has been a great exercise for me over the years in terms of figuring out myself and learning more about what I want, it about me. So I can see how she might feel that she’s not necessarily represented genuinely.

The bigger issue that she has brought up is that it is an entire part of my life that I don’t share with her. And she’s right. I have asked her not to read it. Maybe it’s because I’m afraid of the responses she might have. Or I’m afraid of what she might think. And while it’s not as though I’m completely hiding it from her I know that it is something that I keep to myself. I’m not sure what I’m afraid of exactly. But I know that not knowing about this part of me does make it hard for her.

Which brings me around to the analogy of the title of this post. I’ve written before that cheating is a wholly selfish act. Is this the same with blogging? Is blogging, for me anyway, a selfish act where I get to have my own private space to do what I need to do? Is this like what I did when I cheated on SR? That I was so in need to feeling out my bi urges that I just did it? Now connect this up to what Bad Man was talking about above. Is blogging an act that, when not shared with the person most intimately involved in your life, something that can make that person jealous and suspicious?

I think that unfortunately the answer is yes. Blogging has been compared to journal writing. On the surface that is true, but you don’t leave your journal at the local library for anyone coming by to read. Even if you did you’d also have to be sitting there ready for them to make a comment to with or maybe even to strike up a friendship with them because you get each other. Blogging is a private, personal exercise acted out in public. It’s like doing nude yoga in your back yard. Sure you’re doing it for the exercise, but you’re also showing off your body for anyone to see.

But where I think Bad Man and I get into trouble is we control the content and the interactions. The other people in our lives are at the mercy of our writing and the things that people say about them. It’s especially hard since we both can often write about sexual things. I know the conversations that I’ve had with people are often very open and often intimate. That can be dangerous territory for SR to take, especially when she doesn’t have a voice in it.

I don’t really know the full answer here or even if I made any sense, but I know that this is a topic I had wanted to write about before and Bad Man’s comment made me want to tackle it now.

The thing is that even if I invited SR to read my blog or even write in it, I’m not sure she would because it’s just not the type of thing that she likes to do. She started a blog once about 3 years ago and it lasted for 2 days. And again, I’m not sure I’m ready for her to see everything I’ve written on here either.

August 15, 2008 Posted by | Uncategorized | 3 Comments

I Need It Bad

I’m just gonna say it. I need to get fucked.

Ok, well that’s not even it exactly. While that would certainly be fantastic it doesn’t even need to be someone. I’d glad take this, or this, or this (can you tell I’ve done a little shopping over lunch? Oh btw the site I linked to – – is having an Obama for President sale. I have to admit that I love it when my politics and my sex get all mixed up.). 

I think that there has been some latent withdrawl (why does that sound dirty) from my time when I wasn’t working and I could still at home naked and get dirty with myself. Not that I did that every day, but there were a couple days where I certainly gave my ass a good working over. Then once the house move and the new job craziness kicked in there just wasn’t time to really think about things. I think it was also helped by SR being particularly in the mood in the last two weeks.

But as things are settling in I realize that it’s been way too long since I’ve had any kind of good fucking. The more I think about it I kinda feel myself starting on that quick surge on the urge wave. Things have been busy and my focus has been elsewhere that I’m really feeling the need to have some randy fun. Thing is I really can’t see a place to fit that into my schedule at the moment. Next couple weekends are filled up with things so it’s not like we’d have a weekend night for a 3-, 4- or more-some.

The interesting thing is that in the past when I’ve gone through these periods of really wanting some cock and/or something off the usual menu, so to speak, it led to feelings of restlesses and frustration. But for some reason I don’t feel that way at all. I know what I want and how I can get it, and I know there are variations to take care of things. Maybe I’m just on the early uptick in the urging, but I’m pretty chill about it.

Or maybe it’s because it’s not so much an urge for a guy or cock, but simply and urge to have my ass worked over nice and good.

Whatever it is… I need to figure out a way to get it taken care of!

August 13, 2008 Posted by | Uncategorized | 2 Comments

New Era: A Work In Progress

Ok, so this is a big move. However, there were various reasons for it. Primarily, I’ve been uncomfortable with the closeness that my Google accounts were having. I’m a big fan of Google and their products, but synergy is one thing that I don’t want crossing over to this side of things for me.

I’ve worked hard to keep things separate, but at the end of the day it is probably very easy for someone to quickly connect the dots between my blogger blog and the other gmail functions that I use for general life pruposes.

Don’t get me wrong I’m not trying to hide anything… far from it. I’ve always maintained that while I am not looking to advertise my situation I’m also not hiding it. I think in this day and age a little bit of anonymity goes a long way. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve interviewed people in a professional setting and found their facebook page with drunken pictures. It’s not that I’m a prude, but there is a time and a place for everything. I think it also shows your maturity and ability to realize that people will find ways to judge you positively and negatively.

Though probably more importantly, the reason I choose to remain mostly anonymous is that I’m not the only one involved here. Sure if I was single I might not be so discreet, but this is not just me we’re talking about here. I would hate for a friend or work colleague of SR’s to come across my blog some how and connect it to me. It’s not just me that I’m potentially outing. SR agrees with me on the being open, but not advertising it thing. She’s not the one blogging though.

Give all of that I decided to move off of blogger and to severe the connections. It’s going to be hard because I’ve gained a good following across the last four years, but I figure that I’ll make the transition slowly. But the sooner I do this the better. Ultimately I’ll kill the blogger account.

So excuse me while I make the move and get used to using a new blog system. I’m sure it will be fine, but don’t be surprised by some wacky looking things from time to time.

August 11, 2008 Posted by | Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Things That Matter

An important member of the sex-positive communityurgently needs our help.
Jefferson—blogger, educator, and dear friend to so many of us—is at this moment fighting a court battle with his ex-wife, who is seeking full custody of their three children.
Jefferson’s love for his children has been well-documented on his blog One Life, Take Two for years. His ex-wife has stated in court that he is a “great” father who loves his children.
However, among her claims is that his bisexuality makes him an unfit parent.
Jefferson needs our help now. As a writer, his resources are limited. The costs of fighting this case are mounting quickly—and will certainly run into the tens of thousands of dollars.
As of today, there is an urgent and immediate need for at least $20,000 to cover costs associated with attorney fees and those of the law guardian who has been appointed to represent the children.
If he is unable to pay these fees by August 11,he will be forced to relinquish custody of his children.
This case is of concern to anyone whose sexuality does not fit the standard mold—because it could happen to you. This case is of concern to all writers, because Jefferson’s blog is being used as evidence against him—and that could have repercussions for our First Amendment rights.
Here’s how to help:
1) Make an ANONYMOUS, TAX-DEDUCTIBLE contribution to Jefferson’s legal defense by visiting the Sexual Freedom Defense and Education Fund at:
There you will find out how to donate to Jefferson’s Defense Fund via PayPal or if you prefer, check or money order.
Please note that you MUST mention that your donation be used for the JEFFERSON LEGAL DEFENSE FUND.
2) Feel free to copy this and post it to your blog or any email lists Or link back to this post.
3) Post a badge in your sidebar and link back to this page. (
In the coming days, will be relaunched with information about Jefferson’s ongoing case. Be sure to visit his blog for updates. In the meantime, you can contact Jefferson directly at

August 7, 2008 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Morning Wood Friday: Uping the Game

So Marcello and I have been doing Morning Wood Friday on a fairly regular basis for almost two months. Now while the concept is fun it is limiting. I mean what is it?… take a picture of your cock when you first get up in the morning. We’ve played coy some weeks and been wearing underwear when neither one of us sleeps in underwear. Then we’ve showed all. Well I slept in this morning, barely noticing when SR got up this morning. When I finally got up I was pretty worked up. I had left the camera nearby and decided that rather than a picture I’d take a video. Given the mood I was in I thought I’d shoot at just the right moment (emphasis on the shoot). Funny that Marcello seemed to have the same idea this morning as well.


June 27, 2008 Posted by | Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Happy to Me

Today, is my 3rd blog-iversary and I’m oddly sad. Well, it’s not so odd since I know exactly what is causing it. I was originally going to do something fun to celebrate, but I think y’all have gotten enough of me this week to be satiated for a while.

In the last week I have had some pretty in-depth email exchanges with someone that I’ve come to view as a good friend. I don’t want to go into it because frankly it’s no one’s business, but out own. However, it has really got me reflecting on my blog and twitter and the interactions I have with people online.

I started this blog three years ago on the encouragement of another bi married guy I’d become friends with. His blog is long gone and his life has had a fair share of speed bumps since then. He and I are not as close, but the funny thing is that when we do chat it’s like we pick-up where we left off.

I started this blog in order to work out the issues that had come up in telling SR I was bi, that I had cheated on her and the eventual opening of our marriage. It has been incredibly helpful in connecting with people out there who have similar experiences. It has also been wonderful to get emails from people who have read my blog and have been glad to find someone else out there like them. That’s tremendously gratifying and wonderful, and it’s why I’ll never get rid of this blog. I may not write as much and maybe some day I’ll pull down some of the more personally identifying things, but I’ll always let it be out there in the internet ether for people to find.

But the last week has also gotten me thinking about the interactions I’ve made with people. It’s funny because this is a post I’ve been meaning to write for a while. SR doesn’t quite get why I blog. Why I need to blog and why I need to talk to people online. But at the same time she knows that just because it’s not her thing that doesn’t mean I don’t find it useful. However, it has been hard because I have made friendships with people, people I’d love to meet and love her to me. About a month ago I was hoping that we’d go out together and meet Marcello. Someone who I find fascinating on many levels and think we’d get along with. However, she freaked out because she knew that I had a friendship with him already and that he knew about her through the blog. She knows the blog exists, but I’ve told her not to read it. Mainly because I had talked very freely about some things. And some things I’ve written I’ve said things in the moment that I maybe don’t believe any more. It’s been a great vehicle to vent my frustrations and issues, but also to get people to correct me and challenge me. The blog and the people I have met have helped me work through my issues and make me stronger person.

But there is also a delicate balance in all of this. There is an ability to hide behind a computer. I know that I put out a pretty authentic version of myself. Sure I have the ability to self edit and to gloss over things, but I know that the person I put out online is the exact same person I put out in my every day life.

As much as I am grateful for all this blog and the people out there I have done for me, this week has also given me a moment of self-check. I think I lost a good friend this week. I understand it and while sad by it the ball is really in that person’s court to figure out if we can remain being friends.

So as I celebrate my 3rd blog-iversary for me I am much more reflective than celebratory. I want to be a stronger and better person and that goes the same for my online interactions. You’ve always gotten the truth about me and who I am… I promise to continue that and hope everyone does the same.

June 14, 2008 Posted by | Uncategorized | 1 Comment

HNT: Interview Whore

So last week the theme was to grin and bear it since I had just resigned from my job in what I have come to encapsulate as the most unprofessional work experience of my life. But just when those fuckers thought I was knocked down – HA! I’ve had 3 interviews, numerous networking calls and lunches with strangers, friends and former colleagues this week alone, and next week is starting to fill up already. Plus today the interview I had this morning was a slam dunk. So to celebrate I thought I’d give you all a taste of that. But with the added bonus of me whoring it up in the way you’ve all come to expect from me. Enjoy!
p.s. First time using the new mac’s built-in webcam. Hope the quality isn’t too crappy.

May 1, 2008 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Thanks and Welcome

Thanks for Fleshbot and AlwaysArousedGirl for including me in the latest Sex Blog Roundup. It’s been a while since I’ve blogged and have to admit getting the attention reminds me of part of the reason why I liked blogging in the first place – the ego stroke. Sure it’s been cathartic to be able to write about things. I can get things out and have people comment and share their perspectives, but every blogger who isn’t lying would admit that part of the fun is getting the attention.

So I’m just gonna bask in the glow of it.

To those of you who are just finding this blog… welcome. Dive in if you’d like. If you want to get to the good stuff like the post that brought you here I’d check out the Explori-stories tag. Proof that life can sometimes be as hot and fun as fiction.

April 22, 2008 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Adventures in Boys’ Night Out

Last Wednesday was my birthday. Originally, SR was supposed to have a work thing so our good friend R asked her if it was ok for him to take me out for a Boys’ Night. It’s been a while since we’ve been out together to “gay it up” for a night. I say that very loosely because really it’s a fun opportunity to explore that other side of me very openly without having to worry about what SR might be thinking. She trusts me and we have gotten to the point where we know what the rules are.

I met R at his office after work. There was a place near him that he walks past every day that he’s wanted to check out. On Wednesdays they have a new “After Work” party. So we get there around 6:30. R had surprised me by saying he was bringing someone from his work. He is much more open about things. However, he also works in a creative industry that could really give a shit about the fact that he is bi, married and in an open relationship.

We get to the bar and we are pretty much the only ones there. Not much of a surprise on a Wednesday night. Pretty soon people start coming in, but then we realize that they come in, go to a back room and then come out in nothing but briefs. Ok, so the entertainment is here. R chats up one of the bartenders that he thinks is cute. He also ends up chatting up the promoter, which is always a good idea. The sad thing is that the DJ is actually playing good music. R had a very big personality and is pretty forward. He kinda brings out the best (and sometimes worst) in me. I’m very likely to get myself into trouble when he’s around. Sometimes that trouble is good.

We then start to talk to this one dancer, Anthony. He is very cute. He’s the Italian cutie next door. Has all the classic All-American Boy looks, but with the New York edge. A slight accent and he’s wearing work boots. We’re chatting, but I’m kinda noticing him eye me. But by this point we’d realized that the point of the dancers were to get us to pay for a dance in the back room. As R pointed out, he’s never had to pay for sex and he’s not gonna start by paying for a cheap thrill. If he wanted to get his cock in any of those boys asses he could (told you he has a very bi personality). Now I’ve never paid for sex or a stripper either so I couldn’t help but agree with him. So we decided to move on to a new place. However, Anthony said to me as I left “Come back later and I’ll give you a free dance for your birthday.” Well, I mean if he was gonna give it to me for free — we might be back later.

The next place we went to was much more crowded. But it is probably the most popular gay cliché club in New York City. But if you’re gonna got full on Boys’ Night you might as well go for it. R and I were hanging out. By this time it was 8:30 or so.

Now I have to go back and tell you about my morning. SR had woken me up earlier being very playful. She teased me immensely. She stroked my cock and went down on me (which is still not a common enough activity for me, but she’s gotten much better). Of course, she was being her typical before work tease. She likes to do that and leave me thinking about it all day. But it was my birthday I pushed for more. I got her to straddle me and slide my cock into her. She was very wet so I knew that she was just as turned on as me. She was protesting because she clearly wanted more later. But she got really worked up. But then something clicked in her and she started talking dirty. She started talking about me going out for Boys’ Night Out. She asked me what I would be thinking about flirting with all those boys. I didn’t quite know what to answer, and so I said thinking about her at home waiting for me. And then she said, “You won’t be thinking about coming home and having me fuck you? That’s what you want isn’t it?” Whoa, damnit. Nice. Yes, of course that’s what I want. (side note: to catch you all up. I had bought a strap-on for SR to use on me. Our first time out with it was not that positive of an experience because it was such a new thing for her and us both. She got very distressed because she “wanted to do it for me” but it was the first time so we were both fumbling around with it.) Ok, so now I have an offer by wife to fuck me when I get home. That’s awesome. But I also know in the back of my head that I’m gonna probably be out late, but we’ll see.

Now back to cliche gay bar. I overpaid for some drinks and we were chatting and observing the wild life. Lots and lots of very drunk people. Obviously this is where everyone had been since after work. There was one guy who came up to me. He was very drunk and very forward. Introduced himself as “Wang” and then just gave me what he probably thought were come hither eyes. So was I supposed to say “Hi, wanna take me home?” So I just kinda like. Hiiiiiii. And left him hanging. He walked away. So in only the way R can get pulled into something when a cute guy and a hot TV are involved he got drafted for the bar game that was to commence “within minutes.” 30 minutes later and it got started. I have to admit I was getting a little annoyed because I would have either moved on to another place I had found as an option, gone back and seen if Anthony was joking, or gone home to SR and see if she would make good on fucking me.

But I’m a good friend. Plus it ended up being funny and I was doing some great eye fucking with a guy who was with a group of friends. I was sitting alone and so really it was his deal to come to me. Plus I enjoy playing the “you want it, you come to me part.” I’m really otherwise horrible with this stuff in a standard bar setting where I have to make the first moves. But I’m in a gay bar. I don’t HAVE to make the first moves.

R gets done, ends up winning $50 so we have more drinking to do. He asks if I want to go back to the first bar. Well, sure of course! We get back and it’s much more full. Though it’s gone full on perverted. A mixed group of guys from older, overweight gross guys to groups of cute guys. There are about 20 “dancers” now. R and I get a drink from cute bartender who is now stripped down to a jock strap and is incredibly hung. I mean wow. Incredible.

Guys start coming up to us and chatting. Here’s the standard pitch. “Hi, I’m X. How are you tonight?” “Hi, I’m R. Doin’ good.” “So you guys having fun?” “Sure are.” “Well, if you want some more fun we can go in back.” I can appreciate the direct sell, but I mean C’MON! It was kinda funny and highly amusing. Plus the view was just as nice with them dancing. I will say that there was one moment that kinda turned me off even more. This one guy was incredibly cute and was actually pretty personable. He initiated an actual conversation. Of course, he was flirty and touchy. But he kept running his hands over my love handles and stomach and squeezing them. Now, really I don’t need you to remind me that I’m not in as good of shape as you, but trying to give me the impression that you’re into guys who are a little bigger is not gonna win me over. For all I know maybe he did like me because I’m more in the “bear” stereotype, but I try to counter that in a gay setting as much as I can.

So one of the gimmicks the bar had was to give you raffle tickets every time you bought a drink. Then about every hour they’d pick a winner who’d get a free dance. Well, guess who won? Me! Hahahaha. So guess I don’t have to pay for it. The promoter came up to me and was like… ok now pick a ticket for the guy out of this cup. And I’m like, I don’t get to choose. R totally backed me up. So the promoter was like sure. Who do you want?

Pause for Reading Comprehension test:
Based on what you have read so far, who did I choose?
A. Love handle squeezer
B. African-American “banger type”
C. Anthony

If you said C. Congrats you win today’s Obvious Blog Reader of the Day.

So the promoter calls Anthony over and he takes me by the hand into the back room. The room had booth seats along 2 of the 3 walls. Two other guys were getting dances. Both of them were very overweight guys over 50. Anthony pushes me into a corner seat and starts to give me a lap dance. Now I’ve never been to a straight strip club, but I know that in general touching is not allowed. Here — touching was kind of a requirement. Not that I minded. I mean I’d totally rationalize that I hadn’t paid for this so what the hell. Plus I had chatted with this guy in an otherwise social setting for half an hour before. I knew where he grew up and where he lived (oh yeah, best part – in an apartment he owns 20 blocks from me). I knew he had quick a high pressure job 2 months ago and this was how he was getting by.

At the same time it was really weird. One of the reasons I have never been to a strip club is because I have problems objectifying someone so directly. Sure I can do it from afar, but so one on one like that…. ehhh. Then I also internalize embarrassment for them. Now, I know there are plenty of people who strip who enjoy it. Or are doing it for a very good reason. I mean I know that they are taking advantage of a situation and so I’m fine with them getting theirs, but there still is a squirm factor for me.

So to have Anthony grinding me, kissing me, having me touch him, having me lick his nipples was an odd thing. Don’t get me wrong this guy was so incredibly beautiful that I was doing just fine. And when he pulled his briefs down to show me the great work out his done on his ass…. I was in it completely. It didn’t last very long (I mean I wasn’t paying for it). So we left. I said thank you and went back to R we danced. The DJ was pretty great, which is a shame because we were the only ones dancing. Yes, not even the “dancers” were dancing.

By this point it was approaching 11:30. I knew SR was heading to bed and I had missed out on any chance of that aspect of things. I went to the bathroom and ran into Anthony. We chatted some. He said he was leaving and going home. I told him it was nice to meet him and thanks for making my birthday fun. He laughed. All in all the guy was really nice. Sure maybe that was his front for what he was doing, but it won me over (as did his perfectly trim and smooth body).

R and I decided it was time to go home. As I was walking out I noticed Anthony sitting at a table in jeans and a sweat shirt. I said good night again. We chatted a little again. I told him I was taking a cab home if he wanted to share. He said that a friend was finishing up a dance and they were gonna eat and the other guy was gonna drive him home and stay over. I said that’s cool. He then asked me for my phone number. He put it into his phone, called me, and said give me a call sometime. And with that I left.

It was a totally weird and trippy night. I have to admit it was not nearly what I was expecting for my night. I had thought it was gonna be some fun dancing and flirting. Maybe find some guy to connect with and who knows. But this night was just out there. It was great fun, and certainly a birthday I won’t forget.

April 15, 2008 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Sugasm #127

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #128? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.

This Week’s Picks
My life as a Female
“His reply was instant: “You are a man”.”

“I found my eyes unable to leave the curves of her ass, everything else out of focus.”

Ripping yourself a new one
“What’s the most ludicrous porn scene you ever saw?”

Mr. Sugasm Himself (one from the vaults)
How to Choose an Affiliate Program

Editor’s Choice
Cream and Sugar

More Sugasm
Join the Sugasm

See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

(Sugasm participants should re-post all the links above within a week. The following links may be excluded as long as you include all the above links.)

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships
Feeling safe
How Butch is Butch and how Femme is Femme?
Of Art Nouveau & Sublime Curves
Say Hello to Nanna, Nonno.
The Secret of Polyamory
Why Flirting Doesn’t Work

Sex Work
New At Nuts4chic – The Story Of Justin, A Male Escort
No Tact

Erotic Writing and Experiences
Blow by blow (1)
Door Number Two
Fellatrices: Phantom Blowjob
Flight of Fantasy
Fun at glory hole
Gay Threesome
Good Friday
Is there a polite way to ask a girl…
Reawakening the Temptress…It Must Be Spring
So long
Sometimes it pays to love the one your with
To Avoid Waste, One Must Be Profligate
An Unnecessary Journey

Sex Advice
Impertinent Question: Do You Role-Play in the Bedroom?

NSFW Pics, Videos & Audio
Half-Nekkid with New Pumps
Hardcore double penetration in gangbang
Hot Blonde from Petter Hegre
MC Nudes: Luciana, Nina, Susana Spears & Zoe
Peaches in lingerie
Spanked Naked in Semi-Public
Sum Myself Up in Six Words?

Sex Humor
Discovery of Coital “Safe House” Debunks Sex Research Findings

BDSM & Fetish
Catalina loves Kinky Tea Parties
Hypnosis, spanking and sex
My first master
Object of His Attention

Sex News, Reviews & Interviews
Of Ilsa and her ilk
Sabrina Fox Bound And Forced To Cum On Sex And Submission
The Whole Chicken’s Blatantly Self-Promoting Anniversary Contest

April 15, 2008 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment


“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that’s holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. And thank God for that.”

– Elizabeth Berg, Eat. Pray. Love.

January 8, 2008 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Just Because the Dog is Cute

December 6, 2007 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

HNT: Inspirations

Click here to see the HNT pictures that inspired me

November 30, 2007 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment


Paris is… well cold and rainy, but we’re having a lovely time nonetheless. Here is the view from our hotel room as of 5 minutes ago.

Jealous – anyone?

September 29, 2007 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Beautiful Artist / Beautiful Train Wreck?

My musical tastes from the mainstream to the random to the obscure. However, Amy Winehouse is one of the most amazing musicians I’ve heard in forever. And this is my absolute favorite song from her album that she performed live this week.

September 5, 2007 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Connundrum Solved

So nothing like a little chat with WantonMaleness to change the tenor of my evening. Apparently I underestimate SR’s “shyness” and have been spreading lies about her on here. Well, that’s a challenge if ever I heard one. So we’re staying in tonight. Gonna have some drinks. And then explore my wife’s shyness for all its worth.

Wish me luck.

; ; ; ; ; polyamory

August 19, 2007 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment


Ok, so I’ll lay it out. We’ve done nothing but veg out today. It’s been great. Lots of fun just chilling and watching cheesy movies on TV. But now I want to have some fun. And I know that SR wouldn’t mind either. So early this morning I woke up and was restless so I posted an ad on Craigslist. Have a couple good responses – a bi couple in town from Albany and a bi guy. We could totally go out and meet one of them for drinks tonight and see where it goes. But I’m the one who has to make the decision. Now I know if SR didn’t want to she would say something. But I hate being the one to make the decision because then I feel like it’s a selfish decision and not a mutual one. I shared the emails from the two options with SR and she didn’t say much, which has always been her saying “sure if you want to.” But that’s my problem. I don’t want it to be just if I want to. But if we get into a big discussion about it then she’ll talk about how that’s how she is. And I know that. It’s like that with all things sexual with us – I’m in the driver’s seat.

So what am I gonna do? No freaking clue! I want to go out and have some fun. But I don’t want SR to get weird about it or something.

; ; ; ; ; polyamory

August 18, 2007 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

You Were Saying

Ah Crap!

So I just installed haloscan commenting on my blog. I needed a new toy to play with since I’m still getting up the courage to go out and buy a new one for SR and me. In doing so I’ve lost 2.5 years worth of comments people have made.


I mean its not a HUGE loss. The blog is still there. But some of you have made great comments that are useful to people who may read back. I’m sure if I had read closer somewhere (its not like haloscan said anywhere clearly that all previous comments would be lost) that this would happen, but damnit I’m a man. I didn’t need to read the directions to put together our new vacuum or install new faucets or wall sconces this weekend.

Ah well… No one got hurt or died so I guess I just have to live with it.

August 14, 2007 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment