Defending the Raven

Bisexual. Married. Man. Open. Read On.


I suppose that it was inevitable that I’d write about Brokeback Mountain at some point (though I suspect that it’s probably WAY over-blogged by now. Heck check out towleroad for lots and lots of stuff). However, it took until last weekend for me and SR to actually see the movie so I’ve held back. As could be expected the movie became an event for the gay population in New York City in December (We went to see Memoirs of Geisha – woof! bad movie, bad, bad movie – which opened on the same night as Brokeback and it was kinda comical the nummber of gay men in the theatre). We wanted to stay away from the movie until the hysteria died down (It’s like waiting a couple weeks to see the latest Star Wars movie until all the obsessive fans have seen it five times).

SR and I had both read the short story and weren’t that overly impressed. But the movie was a whole different experience. First I have to say that I love Ang Lee as a director and love the versatility he shows in all his movies. So my anticipation for this movie was colored by that. However, on the other side because we had waited so long to see it we were feeling the overhype-ness settling in and the movie had become punchline in too many ways as well.

Bottomline… we both loved the movie. An incredibly beautiful and moving movie. What struck me was the timeless of the story. It’s been told before (Romeo & Juliet), but in a surprising new way: Two people in love, but unable to be together by their circumstances, choices, and even stupidity. However, it was an incredibly difficult movie to watch with SR, and in talking about it afterwards she said it was very difficult for her to watch.

The story of Ennis and Alma plays into many of the doubts and fears that she had when things first came out between us. And I think all those doubts came back. I’m sure she was wondering if I really wasn’t just like Ennis. I didn’t engage her on the conversation because we have gone over that and I know that she knows that I love her and want to be with her. It’s not all a cover and I’m not using it to mask the “real me.” But there were so many aspects of the story that mirrored the tough times that we went through that I know the lingering doubts that will always be there rose to the top. But I hope that she realized how irrational those doubts were and that she just had to reassure herself of them.

In talking with Ben and his wife about it (because I know they had a similar experience to seeing the movie) I came to this realization: SR has nothing to fear because, as cheesy as it may be to say this…. while she might think that she’s Alma to my Ennis… to me, she’s my Jack.


January 20, 2006 - Posted by | Uncategorized


  1. On an intellectual level, I’m sure my wife knows she’s my Jack; emotionally, particularly when seeing it on screen, is trickier. I saw the movie with a grown daughter, but saw Far From Heaven (also a great movie) with my wife a few years ago and much was left unsaid. Feeling is so much more difficult than thinking.

    Comment by Bibydays | January 21, 2006 | Reply

  2. My wife has mentioned that she’d like to see this. I’m sure that we’ll just rent it sometime when it becomes available. I think about the conversations that it could generate…but most likely neither of us will say anything.

    Comment by Perfekt Dad | January 22, 2006 | Reply

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