Defending the Raven

Bisexual. Married. Man. Open. Read On.

Is Blogging Like Cheating?

“…I’ve begun to wonder – is there something about blogging, particularly adult blogging, that makes the bloggers undateable? I, for example, have been willing and able to put blogging aside when the situation warranted. Like when the New Yorker decided she wasn’t totally comfortable with it.

There would obviously be a fair sized irony there, for me at least. That I started blogging to get over heartache and to try to sort out my life with regard to dating only to make myself undateable? I’m not sure that any of the three of us -actually- are but we all seem to feel that way. To the adult bloggers in the audience – do you feel that way too? To those of you reading along, what are your thoughts?

Obviously, none of us have trouble finding playmates. I guess what I’m wondering is whether blogging, like the law, is a jealous mistress.”

From A Bad Man In A Bad Place

I found this quote fascinating because it’s something I’ve struggled with. SR knows that this blog exists. She knows that I have made some online friends through it or Twitter. I’ve even introduced her to some of the people that I’ve become friendly with. However, I’ve also asked her not to read the blog because it is often very frank and open… and well there’s all the pictures. Thing is she can easily come my blog whenever she wants. She insists she doesn’t read it, but I wonder if she doesn’t check it out sometimes just because.

Thing is I know that the blog is a tough thing for her. She doesn’t quite understand the point of it and she doesn’t get that I enjoy talking with new people online. But she doesn’t mind that I do it and she understands that it plays an important role for me.

However, I do know that this blog is hard for her. The reason is two-fold. First, she knows that I talk about her on it. I think she is afraid of the perception that I might put out there about her. She wonders what people who read my blog think of her. I try my best to fair to her, but I know there have been times when I’ve been venting that I might make her out to be who she isn’t exactly.  I often talk about the tough parts of our relationship and some of the most private. And while it has been a great exercise for me over the years in terms of figuring out myself and learning more about what I want, it about me. So I can see how she might feel that she’s not necessarily represented genuinely.

The bigger issue that she has brought up is that it is an entire part of my life that I don’t share with her. And she’s right. I have asked her not to read it. Maybe it’s because I’m afraid of the responses she might have. Or I’m afraid of what she might think. And while it’s not as though I’m completely hiding it from her I know that it is something that I keep to myself. I’m not sure what I’m afraid of exactly. But I know that not knowing about this part of me does make it hard for her.

Which brings me around to the analogy of the title of this post. I’ve written before that cheating is a wholly selfish act. Is this the same with blogging? Is blogging, for me anyway, a selfish act where I get to have my own private space to do what I need to do? Is this like what I did when I cheated on SR? That I was so in need to feeling out my bi urges that I just did it? Now connect this up to what Bad Man was talking about above. Is blogging an act that, when not shared with the person most intimately involved in your life, something that can make that person jealous and suspicious?

I think that unfortunately the answer is yes. Blogging has been compared to journal writing. On the surface that is true, but you don’t leave your journal at the local library for anyone coming by to read. Even if you did you’d also have to be sitting there ready for them to make a comment to with or maybe even to strike up a friendship with them because you get each other. Blogging is a private, personal exercise acted out in public. It’s like doing nude yoga in your back yard. Sure you’re doing it for the exercise, but you’re also showing off your body for anyone to see.

But where I think Bad Man and I get into trouble is we control the content and the interactions. The other people in our lives are at the mercy of our writing and the things that people say about them. It’s especially hard since we both can often write about sexual things. I know the conversations that I’ve had with people are often very open and often intimate. That can be dangerous territory for SR to take, especially when she doesn’t have a voice in it.

I don’t really know the full answer here or even if I made any sense, but I know that this is a topic I had wanted to write about before and Bad Man’s comment made me want to tackle it now.

The thing is that even if I invited SR to read my blog or even write in it, I’m not sure she would because it’s just not the type of thing that she likes to do. She started a blog once about 3 years ago and it lasted for 2 days. And again, I’m not sure I’m ready for her to see everything I’ve written on here either.


August 15, 2008 Posted by | Uncategorized | 3 Comments