Defending the Raven

Bisexual. Married. Man. Open. Read On.

The Day the World Stood Still

On Aug. 30 ,2004 I admitted to my wife that I was bisexual and that I had cheated on her numerous times over the last four months.

Looking back on things I wish I had been the one to initiate the conversation. However, our relationship had deteriorated to the point where I was getting frustrated over the most annoying little everyday things… and well the lack of intimacy certainly was a big red flag.

So on Aug. 30 my wife and were having a conversation over instant message. I don’t remember the exact conversation, but I know it wasn’t going well and we were bickering. That’s when she threw out the comment “How much longer are we gonna go on like this?” Then she idolly threw out the accusation “Is there someone else?”

I was shocked. I felt as if I was completely paralyzed. Of course, there wasn’t someone else, but there was something else going on. I can’t completely describe how I felt. For months I had felt like I was two different people, but I couldn’t reconicle it. I had met a number of married guys “out there” who had been able to compartmentalize it all. Have the wife, kids, dog, picket fence, etc., but then have guys they fucked around with on the side. I couldn’t do. BUT I didn’t know how to reconcile the two parts of me… because it didn’t make sense.

Now I was at a point where I needed to make a decision. I could lie and try to carry on as is and pushing aside the bi feelings I had. OR I could do the right thing and confess. We were both at work when the im chat was going on so we decided to talk about it when we got home. We did some hemming and hawing and finally my wife asked again. I almost lied… but I felt as though this was my one chance to admit it all and see where the chips fell. I love(d) my wife far too much to disrespect her and lie.

I told her the truth. Her reaction was the most horrible moment in my entire life. She said “Ok. I need to be alone now.”



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June 16, 2005 - Posted by | Uncategorized

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