Defending the Raven

Bisexual. Married. Man. Open. Read On.

The Tremendous Capacity for Forgiveness and Understanding

Aug. 30 was a Monday and over the course of the next two days my wife and I deconstructed our entire relationship. Everything was on the table. We talked about everything: but most importantly how the one aspect of our relationship we never communicated on was our sexual relationship… We shared all our secrets (I’m sure both of us still have some things hidden, but they are little things that we need to keep to ourselves — we all need secrets… However, we did even acknowledge that much).

There was a lot of talking and sharing, but the two biggest shockers were this:
1. The fact that I cheated with men didn’t bother so much as the fact that I did because…
2. She is bi herself.

It was amazing how quickly things went from utter despair to rebuilding it all back up. Over the course of that week we were able to share things with each other that we never had. There was a whole new spark to our relationship. It was like we had just met someone new, but we already knew everything about each other.

However, it wasn’t allperfect. The fact that remains to this day is that I cheated on my wife. I have spent the last 10 months rebuilding the trust that was lost. She has been incredible in accepting things and giving me the benefit of the doubt as much as possible, but it’s not always easy.

We’ve decided that what is in the past is in the past. It doesn’t go away, but we refuse to let it rule things. In a way, we’ve come to realize that it needed to happen in order to make things better… and they are. We are now able to share our desires and needs, and explore them together. It’s an ongoing, ever-changing journey, but one that made our relationship stronger.


June 17, 2005 - Posted by | Uncategorized

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