Defending the Raven

Bisexual. Married. Man. Open. Read On.

Happy to Me

Today, is my 3rd blog-iversary and I’m oddly sad. Well, it’s not so odd since I know exactly what is causing it. I was originally going to do something fun to celebrate, but I think y’all have gotten enough of me this week to be satiated for a while.

In the last week I have had some pretty in-depth email exchanges with someone that I’ve come to view as a good friend. I don’t want to go into it because frankly it’s no one’s business, but out own. However, it has really got me reflecting on my blog and twitter and the interactions I have with people online.

I started this blog three years ago on the encouragement of another bi married guy I’d become friends with. His blog is long gone and his life has had a fair share of speed bumps since then. He and I are not as close, but the funny thing is that when we do chat it’s like we pick-up where we left off.

I started this blog in order to work out the issues that had come up in telling SR I was bi, that I had cheated on her and the eventual opening of our marriage. It has been incredibly helpful in connecting with people out there who have similar experiences. It has also been wonderful to get emails from people who have read my blog and have been glad to find someone else out there like them. That’s tremendously gratifying and wonderful, and it’s why I’ll never get rid of this blog. I may not write as much and maybe some day I’ll pull down some of the more personally identifying things, but I’ll always let it be out there in the internet ether for people to find.

But the last week has also gotten me thinking about the interactions I’ve made with people. It’s funny because this is a post I’ve been meaning to write for a while. SR doesn’t quite get why I blog. Why I need to blog and why I need to talk to people online. But at the same time she knows that just because it’s not her thing that doesn’t mean I don’t find it useful. However, it has been hard because I have made friendships with people, people I’d love to meet and love her to me. About a month ago I was hoping that we’d go out together and meet Marcello. Someone who I find fascinating on many levels and think we’d get along with. However, she freaked out because she knew that I had a friendship with him already and that he knew about her through the blog. She knows the blog exists, but I’ve told her not to read it. Mainly because I had talked very freely about some things. And some things I’ve written I’ve said things in the moment that I maybe don’t believe any more. It’s been a great vehicle to vent my frustrations and issues, but also to get people to correct me and challenge me. The blog and the people I have met have helped me work through my issues and make me stronger person.

But there is also a delicate balance in all of this. There is an ability to hide behind a computer. I know that I put out a pretty authentic version of myself. Sure I have the ability to self edit and to gloss over things, but I know that the person I put out online is the exact same person I put out in my every day life.

As much as I am grateful for all this blog and the people out there I have done for me, this week has also given me a moment of self-check. I think I lost a good friend this week. I understand it and while sad by it the ball is really in that person’s court to figure out if we can remain being friends.

So as I celebrate my 3rd blog-iversary for me I am much more reflective than celebratory. I want to be a stronger and better person and that goes the same for my online interactions. You’ve always gotten the truth about me and who I am… I promise to continue that and hope everyone does the same.

June 14, 2008 Posted by | Uncategorized | 1 Comment