Defending the Raven

Bisexual. Married. Man. Open. Read On.

It’s Over

I’ve had this blog for over 4 years now. Sure it started over on blogger, but then moved to here because Google kept trying to merge my blog account and my regular account. The last four years have been some of the most amazing in my life. There have been incredible challenges, but also incredible returns and immense joy. I have “met” (quoted because I’ve only actually met one of you in person) some wonderful people who I am proud to call friends. However, like all good books this needs to end.

So I’m making it official. This blog is dead. I did not come to this decision lightly because I have appreciated immensely the process of blogging and the wonderful connections I’ve made with people. This is certainly not the ending – by no means. There are other outlets to keep in touch with people I know and the community of people that having this blog has led me to. And who knows I might reappear again some time down the road – just not here.

There are many things that have been left unwritten, but I will have to find a new way to express them. But the circumstances of my life right now make this choice the honest and healthy choice for me. Just know that I am in the absolute best place in my life that I have ever been, and I have SR right there with me. There are many, many unknowns – those unwritten stories – but the prognosis is strong.

I know there are thousands and thousands of abandoned blogs out there. And there are many more that just disappear. However, while I am letting this blog go, I will not give it up. It’s a part of who I am and always will be. Also, I have been profoundly grateful to have been contacted by other men in my situation who have found it useful. I have even been more grateful for the wives of bi men who have found me and thanked me for this blog.

As a bi married man I understand the tremendous agony and grief there is in coming to terms with one’s sexuality in the context of a marriage. I cannot claim to have done it all perfectly, but I can only claim to have been as honest as I could be and to hopefully provide comfort to those who feel they are alone.

To those people who find this blog you can always email me if you would like. I also highly recommend two online groups of support:

For bi/gay husbands — Husbands Out to Their Wives (HOW) is hosted on queernet but you can email Frazer Jones ( in order to gain access.

For wives of bi/gay menAlternate Path is a Yahoo group my wife has found useful.

Thank you all for your time, comfort, support, friendship, flirtations and most of all for reading. To quote one of my favorite blogger friends, Marcello….

I freaking love you guys,

Mark (aka Raven in NYC)


July 11, 2009 - Posted by | Uncategorized


  1. I have to say I am sad to know that we will not be getting new posts from you, but totally understand. I am so happy that we have become friends with you and you have helped us to be very open with what we both want in our relationship. I know things have not been easy for you and I am glad to know you and SR are in a good place, always put the two of you first.
    And we freaking luv you!!

    Comment by Ms.Lily | June 11, 2009 | Reply

  2. I’m glad that you’re “in the absolute best place in my life that I have ever been.” I can honestly say I am too and I know without any doubt that I wouldn’t be had I not found you two and a half years ago.

    Thanks for sharing yourself with me, reading my many long emails, and being accepting of me when I couldn’t be accepting of myself.

    Comment by J Z | June 11, 2009 | Reply

  3. Be well!

    Comment by Todd Hellskitchen | June 28, 2009 | Reply

  4. Too bad I just found your blog, after it’s already ended! Thanks for the comment!

    Comment by A | August 7, 2009 | Reply

  5. I’ll miss you. I hope you leave it up, but I’ve found that sometimes it’s necessary to lock or remove things for one’s own peace.

    Take care.

    Comment by Devilbluedress | November 12, 2009 | Reply

  6. Thanks for all you’ve written.

    Comment by Hot Girl Doing It | June 20, 2010 | Reply

  7. Good luck in your new adventures!

    Comment by Marge Mellor | June 20, 2010 | Reply

  8. Goodluck and be happy 🙂

    Comment by hornygaygreek | July 4, 2011 | Reply

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