Defending the Raven

Bisexual. Married. Man. Open. Read On.

Worlds Colliding

Long time no write? Yeah, I know. Get over it. LOVE YOU ALL!

Ok, honestly there are many legitimate reasons why I have not written on here in a while. But I’m not going to go into them. Ultimately, the bigger reason is that I have spent about 3 years writing on here, which in blog years is like 30. Sharing much of myself and my experiences. In many ways I feel as though I have said all that I might want to say or could say – at least that I’m comfortable saying in this venue.

Why don’t I just delete the blog and move on? Two reasons. First, there is a vanity aspect of this. I have enjoyed the attention and more so enjoyed the connections I have made with people. But second, and more importantly, I still from time to time receive random emails from people who have found my blog, read it, and have been happy to have found it. I realize that in the world of bloggers, even the smaller subset of sex bloggers, being a bisexual married male in a semi-open relationship is very rare. So call it my own public service announcement or something, but I can’t quite let it go.

In the last week my blog has risen to the surface again not because I had any new desire to write, but because it overlapped with my real persona for the first time. I know that I go by Raven sometimes on here, but if you look at my history you can see I quickly dropped the Raven name and went with a more normal name. Having mixed with the Buring Man crowd I know there are a lot of people who use alter ego names. It’s just not something that fits me. However, the fastest way to identify myself in the blog world is by Raven so it remains. Plus I do still love the title and meaning of my blog’s name.

Earlier this week SR and I were at a party with friends. The party was of the more open and sexual nature – though entirely PG-13 rated (well maybe R since there was some full frontal nudity on televisions.) At the party I came face to face with a long-time blogger friend as well as some other internet personalities that I know. It was actaully a great experience and one that I was happy to have. Also, the inner fag in me loved and appreciated being called the Greta Garbo of bloggers. I was fully outed, which was fine with me. SR knew that this was possible and our friends (well at least one half of the couple) knew about it as well. However, there were a number of other factors in play that made the night slightly weird for me and some of the issues after difficult. (I apologize for being overtly vague on details, but it shouldn’t be much of a leap to figure out why).

Things were still a little sticky in the last couple days, but I think things are generally fine. But this kinda brings up an important point for me and I’m sure for fellow bloggers or even for people who have a non-traditional aspect to their life. SR is entirely aware of my blog. She chooses not to participate. Her biggest concern is that I keep things as anonymous as possible, which I am fine with. As a general rule we’re not looking to out ourselves completely. The world does not need to know all about us any more than they would if we had a traditional straight marriage. I would no sooner share the details of my sex life with friends and co-workers if it was the vanilla-iest of experiences. There is an aspect that makes me feel a little disingenuine about myself, but I think that is more of me being proud and not ashamed of myself in any way. I’m not looking to be a poster boy or couple for anything. I started writing my blog as a way to verbalize my own struggles with my sexuality and my marriage. But it was also as a way to put it out there for people to know about and comment on. Over the years I’ve done a lot of self-promotion out there because it not only felt good to be part of a community of people that understand and respected my place, but I know that people struggling with the same issues appreciated having someone tell a story they could relate to.

Even in the context of SR and I being open we maintain a level of anonymity. It is one thing to run into someone you know who is also looking for the same things you are because then you there is a shared aspect to it. They are not looking to scream it from a corner in Times Square any more than we are.

However, when things start to overlap and I inadvertently open doors for friends that maybe they are not ready for it becomes an issue. I recognize and acknowledge the risk in putting myself out there in this way, but it is a risk that I am comfortable with and one that SR is comfortable with as well.

It was inevitable that there would be a time when my online person and my “real life” person colliding together. I’m glad that it happened this week without question, but it certainly was a new experience for me.


February 27, 2009 - Posted by | About Me


  1. Don’t delete this blog. Even if you move one and go somewhere else. It is valuable. You’re on my list, and I’m here today… (following my own links)

    You have crossed your own lines in this society, been brave enough and intelligent to write your thoughts. It’s a record for someone else to find, learn from and understand.

    Today, this line ran true… “I started writing my blog as a way to verbalize my own struggles with my sexuality and my marriage.” That’s how I started my first blog. It had 150 hits daily in about 3 months when all I wanted to do was hide. I’ve since locked the door there, and moved to a quite place that I don’t share often. Still I write, and still I look for the connections that I need.

    Recently I found someone.. maybe just too close to home that picked up on verbal wordplay quickly… I think I need to tell him to disappear, but.

    Oh hell. I’m rambling. It’s that kind of day. Love you anyway.

    Comment by Devilbluedress | May 9, 2009 | Reply

  2. Blogging is a great form of therapy….you get a chance to put your thoughts into writing and really think hard about what your issues are.

    Comment by R | May 10, 2009 | Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: