Defending the Raven

Bisexual. Married. Man. Open. Read On.

The More Things Change; The More They Stay the Same, Part III

Alright kiddies. Thanks for staying along for the ride. Now I realize there haven’t been any comments, but given that I’ve heard from lots of people off the blog I know people are reading.

What started as a rough story to tell really ended up turning out incredibly interesting. First of all we came to a good point where we better understand the limits of where our openness is. However, I didn’t expect it to be tested out so quickly, and for the results to be so good.

On the Saturday before Easter we went to a Burning Man party, one run by the same people who planned the weekend in Long Island. It was the weekend before my birthday so we had been talking to J&R about doing something more fun and freaky to celebrate my birthday. I had been in touch with Joey from Long Island and he had mentioned he was DJing at the party that night. Separately J had mentioned to me that they were thinking of going to the party on Holy Saturday. I told her that Joey was DJing. However, the conversation never went any further. Apparently, SR had been talking on back channels to J&R about what to do that weekend and the party came up. J told SR that I knew Joey was DJing and that I wanted to go, which wasn’t entirely the case — I hadn’t really taken the thought process that far to going. I think she was a little miffed that I hadn’t mentioned it to her. So of course she got a little sore about it.

Meanwhile, on an entirely separate track I had been exchanging emails and ims with a bi married guy, Will. He had responded to an ad I had posted on a site called I remember that I had put the add up, but hadn’t really gotten much response to it and have never really explored the site. He is a married guy who’s wife is very open to him exploring on his own and in fact he’s had a number of polyamorous relationships with people over the years. Fact of the matter is he just seemed like a really nice and cool guy. He and I hit it off very quickly. We definitely seemed to have a lot in common. Both very bi. Both very sexual. Plus our stories seemed to map out pretty similarly in a lot of ways, especially in relation to our wives. I also had a feeling that he and SR would get along VERY well. He has a dominant streak that I knew SR would react to very strongly. But the nice thing is that he can be submissive too. So there was lots of potential in where things could go. However, I was taking things slowly. I was sharing information with SR along the way. The Monday before Easter weekend he invited me to a Scotch tasting that was a block from work. I asked SR if she was cool with it, and she was. So I met him. It was pretty great. It’s always interesting to see how the transfer from online to in person goes, but this was swift and easy. Also, he had lots of friends and acquaintances there so it could have been awkward, but it wasn’t at all. I felt very at ease and he wasn’t weird about it at all. And well there was some great scotch so all around a good night. I only wish I had told SR she should come.

In the course of my conversations with Will I had mentioned Burning Man to him. He was very interested in it so I set him up with the nyc regional email list so he could get a feel for things. After the scotch tasting he asked what I was doing that weekend. By that point the idea of going to the party that Saturday evening was growing. J&R wanted to go and so I decided to just say fuck it and decide we should go. I knew where the line was and if I saw Joey then that was fine. Plus I knew Joey’s boyfriend was going to be there that night so the dynamics certainly were going to change some. I told Will that we were probably gonna be at the party. He said he’d have to check it out and maybe he’d go. I didn’t get too worked up about it because I know that when I try to plan something like that it doesn’t work out. So we kinda had a non-plan plan. I knew he knew about the party and that we might be there. Beyond that it was up to him.

Plans finalized and tickets bought. We were going to the party. Now the group that runs this party is very into the whole costume thing that is closely associated with Burning Man. SR and I are not so much the costume types. Well, she’s not. I just have no vision for it. If I give her a little direction she can execute, but since she’s not into it I don’t push it. I decided for once I wanted a little costuming. On Saturday we went out shopping and I bought new black pants and a balck sleeveless sweatshirt as well as some white fur trimming. That and about 100 safety pins I had a fun fur lined outfit that showed off my nicely worked out arms and I could unzip it to tease with my broad, trimmed hairy chest. (That sounds very vain, but since I’m not of the perfect shape and such I know what my assets are and how to use them to my best advantage).

We planned with J&R to get to the party at around 11:00. We actually ended up driving a work friend of J’s who lives in our neighborhood. We got there around 10:45 and it was still pretty empty. But no problem. I noticed that Joey was DJing, but decided to hang back. I was pretty sure he saw me and figured he could come find me if he wanted to. His music was actually pretty good. It’s too bad there weren’t more people there. It really put me in the mood to dance. SR, J’s work friend, and I grabbed some drinks and then ended up finding seats on a bench near the dance floor and were just chatting. More people were coming in and I was feeling the itch to dance so I was standing up. I looked over and noticed that Joey was switching with the next DJ. Couple minutes later he came over and said hi to me and SR. He said he’d be back. I was totally playing cool. He looked cute, but I was being cool. He came back and joined the group. I asked him where his boyfriend was. He said he was with friends shopping for outfits. I kinda laughed since I had done the same thing that afternoon

It was definitely filling up more and people were dancing. I was kinda dancing by myself while SR, Joey, and random friend of friend we sitting. I was feeling the music and having a good time. Plus I figured the time SR and Joey had alone to talk wasn’t a bad thing. I got a call from J&R at like 11:15 that they were just leaving their house so they were gonna be late. Hey, their loss. I decided to take a walk around to check things out. The bar was a large oval in the middle of the room so I walked around the other side. Pretty quickly I ran in… Will. He was laughing because he had apparently texted me, but I hadn’t seen it. He was waiting for me to notice him. I was laughing because I truly didn’t expect him to be there. I asked if he wanted to meet SR and he said “Set it up.” I said give me 5 minutes. So I went over to SR and told her that Will was here. Of course she was like “Who?” I had to tell her the guy I went to the scotch tasting with. She was like “Oh. Ok.”

So Will came over and I introduced him to SR and everyone else. In talking to Will I knew he was very much the smooth type. Not in the creepy, annoying way, but just someone who is very open and friendly. He can chat up anyone and can be flirty, but in a very innocuous way. He’s not threatening or shady.

At some point in the mix I also got to meet Joey’s boyfriend and some of his friends. That was actually pretty great. SR met him as well. Then we ended up running into a random guy we had met in Long Island. We hadn’t really hung out with him, but he was just always around. So he was just kinda there. What was most interesting is that by the time J&R showed up we kinda had a pretty nice little group of people around us (SR and I were actually talking this past weekend about how we think they might have been a little miffed that we were having such a good time without them there. They’ve always kinda been out guide. But we actually recognized a lot of people from Long Island so it was the first time we kinda felt “in.” Plus we were having fun.)

So the rest of the night kinda blurs together. There was lots of dancing. I actually spent a lot of the evening on my own, but some of it with Joey. He tends to be kinda shy and reserved and want to hang at the fringe. He’d disappear and then I’d find him at the back of the room watching people dance and I’d have to drag him out with me. He didn’t hang too much with his boyfriend and boyfriend’s friends because they are a very rowdy bunch. But I forced him to come dance with me or at least be with me. The flirting between us was there, but it wasn’t overt. We kissed some and there was some casual touching. It was more of a vibe, an energy connection going on.

However, the most interesting part of the evening was that SR disappeared for big chunks of the evening. Apparently she and Will hit it off even better than I expected. They spent most of the night making out. Whenever they did appear back on the dance floor I was sure to go up to her and make a point of connecting with her. She was in a very good and very playful mood. It was fantastic. The funniest part of the evening though was that Will had been feeding her ice because it was hot in the club. However, this was just not giving her ice. They had brought this up to an entirely different level. An incredibly sexually charged level. In watching them I could see that they were completely into each other.

J had asked me who he was and I told her. It was funny because I said to her that the evening was kind of a perfect storm of dynamics that I didn’t even plan.

By 2:30 we were all wasted and we parted ways. J&R were the first to say goodbye. I hadn’t really seen R much in the evening, but he was being very friendly. Usually whenever we see each other he and I kiss on the lips, but its an incredibly friendly thing. So when he left I did the same thing, but he held there. I kinda was surprised and broke free. He then said to me “You can do better than that,” and we proceeded to swap tongues pretty intensely for a solid minute or so. Joey was standing right next to me. R went to say goodbye to him and gave me as intense of a kiss. It was kinda funny. It’s been a while since R’s been like that. SR and I laughed about it later. It’s funny because I had told him the whole stork of Long Island a few days before and where SR and I had ended up. He made the comment that in his experience that didn’t necessarily bode well. It kind of annoyed me, but SR and I had both felt a little pressure from J&R to be as open as them. Not entirely sure where it comes from (I think partially from J&R wanting to get SR in bed alone, which is funny because her and I don’t need to be more open for that to happen). However, I think the way that the night played out was surprising to both of them and so R reacted in the highly charged way he sometimes can.

However, the interesting thing though was that we did the evening on our terms and by our rules. And we both had a fantastic evening. I got to hang out with Joey without feeling awkward or weird or feeling like I had to be overly aware of SR. The fact that the two of them got some time to hang together without me was great. SR made a connection on her own. Sure there was some set-up on my part, but not really. I didn’t expect him to be there. And I left it to them to figure things out on their own.

When we got home and we chatting in bed (Unfortunately it had been a month since Long Island so despite the highly charged evening SR wasn’t exactly in the mood for sex. I know some have said that there are plenty of alternatives to sex when a woman is on her period, but the fact is that is not how SR is. I have accepted that and am cool with it) we talked about what a perfect night it was. How much fun she had. She talked about how much fun she had with Will and how much she was surprised by the way the evening with him went.

We were both feeling really great about things. It truly was the perfect night. And it was great because we had both made a connection with someone, Will, that could potentially go some place further. And I felt like any awkwardness with Joey from the Long Island weekend was gone. I know where the line is with him, but I also feel like SR was able to make a connection with him as well so it can be a friendship that can grow. He had mentioned having us over for dinner because he loves to cook. He had asked her separately and she said she was fine with that. When I mentioned it to her she said she would be fine with that in a “social” setting.

In the course of the month we kicked down some doors, boarded them back up, and then added some swinging hinges to them. Too much door analogy?

The most interesting post script to the whole experience though is Will. It’ll be interesting to see how that progresses. I’ve never seen SR so into someone. Or have such an immediate connection. The funny thing is that in all my initial interactions with him I knew that was going to happen. Without getting my hopes up too much… I think we can be a very interesting development.

; ; ; ;


April 16, 2007 - Posted by | Uncategorized

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