Defending the Raven

Bisexual. Married. Man. Open. Read On.

Exchange with a Libertine

I have to admit that my first attraction to a new blog, The Things They Say About Him by Libertine, was purely for the sexual content. I was ready to chalk him up as another fun blog to read for the stories. However it was a post where he mentioned one my all time favorite books (The Robber Bride by Margaret Atwood) that gave me a little bit of blog whiplash and made me look at him in a different light. It made me realize that despite what we might read on someone’s blog or what we might write on our own it isn’t the same as knowing the person. We can all self edit and make ourselves look better in the moments we don’t feel entirely proud of ourselves. Or because we are only sharing one aspect of our life it doesn’t give the full picture of the person.

After finding Lib’s blog and making some random comments he emailed me. We’ve exchanged a few emails and the conversation has been one of those perfectly pitched kind. Some self introduction, lots of question probing with a dash of sexual tension and teasing. His last email sent on Friday got me writing (maybe it was because I knew he sent it and didn’t have time to respond over the weekend and thought about it). He was asking very basic questions about being bi and such (a throw-away reference to Margaret Mead — “..hope i’m not being all margaret mead on you with the quasi-soci questions. if so, just tell me to know it off.” — only added to the intrigue of the man behind the blog).

Given what I wrote I wanted to share it because it was a very useful experience. Kinda got me back to base level things in a lot of ways. I wonder how much of this would ring true if I went back and compared it to some of my old posts:

Hey Lib (ah the beauty of online anonymity),

I completely understand the writing for yourself part of things, but I have to admit that I enjoy the interaction and knowing when people are reading my blog and/or reacting to it in some way. I guess in one way it’s also the exhibitionist in me. My wife is a little baffled by my need to interact with complete strangers sometimes, but she accepts it and understands that I need it. I suppose the fact is that I don’t entirely mind it drifting beyond being just strangers, but that gets into some of the more complicated aspects of my blog/life. And, yes, at a base level the creative process does make it great.

I started blogging because another bi married guy I’m friends with started it. He and I have stories that mirrored each others in lots of ways — though mine came to a head and his didn’t. He started a blog and had found a number of other ones by bi married guys. Also, when my bi-ness and such came out with my wife, in the resulting aftermath, I found a number of online groups and had interactions with guys there and realized how it was helpful to share my own story. Those things together got me to start blogging. Then a couple mentions in places like Fleshbot and commenting on other blogs got more people reading. I think it also helped that I shared some fairly intimate and sexual details of things. But I am surprised when a non-sexual post gets as much attention as some sexual ones. Again though I suppose it does go back to the exhibitionist part of my personality. I do enjoy the attention.

A Margaret Mead reference — one moment you’re talking about pounding some guy and the next you get all smart and intellectual. Now that’s sexy. 😉 But to the point — don’t worry about probing. I am a rare breed to be so out, but at the same time I’m really not. I think a lot of people would be truly surprised by my bisexuality (then again I’m sure I can name a couple people who would be surprised by my bisexuality for other reasons – surprised I was even into women). I think bisexuality is a challenge to both straight people and gay people and so it’s difficult to be comfortable being open about it. I have had my fair share of gay guys be very violently opinionated about my bi-ness. I’m sure there would be plenty of straight guys who would be as opinionated. So many people think it’s a layover on the way to being gay. Or that I want to be able to hide behind the convenience of a outwardly straight life. If only it were that easy. If only it weren’t less complex. The ways that it twists your mind can be so torturous. There have been times in my life where I’ve spent the afternoon getting fucked by a guy and enjoying it so thoroughly and incredibly. And then that evening fucking my wife and experiencing an equally intense pleasure. And that doesn’t even begin to go into the aspect of things when I am sharing in all of this with my wife. The excitement of feeling our tongues touch as we go down on another guy together. The thing is that regardless of where I might be in my life I don’t think I would define myself any differently. I think if I was not married and in a relationship with a man I would still say I was bi. The current situation doesn’t change the fact of who I am.

I’m sure Margaret Mead would have had a field day with me as an adolescent. Then again I suppose my journey further underscores the point that not much has changed in 90 years.

; ; ; ;


December 18, 2006 - Posted by | Uncategorized

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