Defending the Raven

Bisexual. Married. Man. Open. Read On.

The Real World: Part 1, The Emails

Ok, I’m not sure where these next two posts are gonna go and how long they are gonna stay up here. But SR and I had a upfront and completely open conversation last night that was an extension of the conversation I talked about in my Affirming the Rules post. I’d recently started chatting with this guy, we’ll call him Sam, on what can be best described as a gay men’s hookup site. I am very upfront on the site about who I am and my situation so unless someone is not reading there are no surprises. So Sam and I have been casually chatting and becoming friendly. So we’ve talked about hanging out some time. SR is working late tonight and so rather than me sitting at home being my usual alone pervy self I thought it’d be fun for Sam and I to finally meet. As we discussed a couple weeks ago I had kept SR in the loop as to who Sam what and such and she’s even been around when I’ve had chats with him. Below is an email exchange that occurred, which later turned into an im chat, which I’ll post in a second post.

However, the point I wanted to make is to share a real world conversation between SR and myself. A real world conversation that is unedited and has no commentary from me. When you are the writer of your own blog you get full editorial rights. You get to present things how you see them or how you want to be seen. It’s easy to leave out things that you don’t agree with and don’t want to accept. Because this conversation was so real and raw I wanted to share it because I think it’s important. Again I’m not sure how long I’ll feel comfortable leaving it up, but I hope you’ll hang in there and read it all.

Now to the emails:

From: mark
To: sr
Date: Oct 31, 2006 4:58 PM
Subject: tomorrow night

So was wondering if you’d be cool in I met Sam tomorrow night. He asked about when we could hang out sometime and since you’re working late thought it might be ideal since it’s not taking away from a night when we could be together. He mentioned maybe grabbing beers and dinner or going to happy hour somewhere. Just wanted to see what you think. Not sure if you’ve read the stuff I sent you. He is open to meeting you too. As you might have read while he’s gay he has had his own bi-curiosities. I know that that is not necessarily the most comfortable thing for you, but just sharing all.

Just wanted to see what you thought.


From: SR
To: mark
Date: Oct 31, 2006 5:06 PM
Subject: Re: tomorrow night

I guess it is fine if you meet Sam. I have not read your e-mail–I havent really had time, but I will trust you in your judgement. You definitely know I am not really into the gay thing, but again, trust.

I assume you are meeting for drinks/dinner, but that’s ‘all? I have to ask…


From: mark
To: sr
Date: Oct 31, 2006 5:16 PM
Subject: Re: tomorrow night

He’s a very cool guy. I mean he’s a music teacher in a Washington Heights school. LOL. I figured that’s kinda how you felt.

Drinks/dinner is all the expectation we talked about having. But there is some sexual attraction. I guess it’s also a matter of what you’re comfortable with. I mean we haven’t really explored this much.


From: sr
To: mark
Date: Oct 31, 2006 5:27 PM
Subject: Re: tomorrow night

Alright, well, go ahead and have dinner/drinks. I am not gonna lie–I am not sure about the rest. But I have to trust that you are being truthful and that he “gets it” and that you will not cross boundaries. I mean, I am not sure what I feel–if you are sexually attracted to him and want to mess around, but he isn’t someone that would really fit into “us”, what happens? I want to be able to say yes, go ahead, but honestly, I have to be true to myself. And why would I want my husband to go and have a relationship with someone other than me? This is where it crosses the line for me. I really want to be what you want/need me to be, but I am not sure it will ever happen.

Like I said, I am comfortable with it when it is someone like JMac–where you could see him, but I knwo I could ALWAYS insert myself into the situation and be completely comfortable. Or, I think I am comfortable with you meeting people at a bar and “hooking up” casually, but not being their friend. (Though admitedly, that still pushes my buttons some). But, if Sam is gay, and you are married, and you are friendly with him and attracted to him, what comes next? Isn’t that called a relationship? I mean, what could he be expecting to get out of it?

Look-this has NOTHING to do with HIM. It has to do with us. LIke I said, I want to be ok with it. I want you to go have dinner and drinks and make a friend. It is the next step that I am still unsure of. I hope you understand why…

; ; ; ;


November 1, 2006 - Posted by | Uncategorized


  1. it sounds like,in order to make you happy,your wife is willing to let you have bi-sexual sex with another man..probably -preferrably another married bi-sexual man because she knows that you probably could devolope a sexual friendship with this man,without fear of her loosing you to him.Afterall,he would have a wife,and instead of fishing or bowling-it would be hand jobs,blow jobs,french kissing and anal fucking.maybe she could even like the guy enough to be a guest with you two…or three.
    But a gay man….she secretly assumes your gay side is stronger then your hetero..or,she knows,she would be enough for you.I bet the gay man assumes the same thing.
    Perhaps,I am wrong…perhaps I am correct.
    The question is…is never giving a blowjob,our getting anal sex ever again the deal breaker for you?Could you give it up for your wife?

    Comment by David | November 1, 2006 | Reply

  2. Wow, Mark.
    SR clarifies a LOT of feelings I went through during my bisexual experiences (and threesome experience with D2).
    It’s the ‘what if’ that we often worry about. And yeah, well, it’s nice to say, oh, enjoy this moment, it’s only THIS moment we should be concerned with, but that’s not the way things are in reality. (You know this, I know you do… I am perhaps just thinking out loud).
    There are always consequences to our actions.
    What’s SO cool is that you are being very open with SR about all of this and there’s no question its the way to be.
    Thank you for sharing this!

    Comment by e.e. | November 1, 2006 | Reply

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