Defending the Raven

Bisexual. Married. Man. Open. Read On.


Today has been a truly bad day at work. I didn’t allude to it in my last post because I was kinda going through my day hoping things would get better or they wouldn’t be as bad as they might be. Hopefully I’m overreacting, but it just feels as though things are going to complete hell at work and I no longer has any control over it. I don’t want to bore you with the details and hopefully this will be a completely useless post, but just wanted to get it out. It’ll also explain why I most likely won’t be posting much very soon. I need to throw myself into work and hope I can change the tide and get things back in order.

Suffice to say there was also a very difficult conversation with SR this evening. I hadn’t given her any indication that things could be going so badly at work. Honestly, I knew things were a little rocky, but I thought it was all under control. However, being on vacation last week changed that dramatically. So being in panic mode I had to share with her what was going on. She was upset with me that I had been hiding it and why didn’t I share some of it with her. It all came back to the trust issues with her. Part of it is because I thought I had things under control and that it would be better. However, the other part is I do feel very inferior to her when it comes to our careers. She is so incredibly successful at hers and I’m just chugging along. Work has always been a rough subject for us because I tend to get over-sensitive with her advice and think she’s being critical and judgmental. It also doesn’t help that we are in the same industry. And while I do like the work and think I’m good at it I can’t help feeling it’s not the career for me. I’m not sure what is and so I’ve stuck with it.

So now it’s almost 3:00 a.m. because I can’t sleep because I wake up in a cold sweat of panic wondering what’s gonna happen. My wife is also annoyed, pissed, disappointed — whatever — and is showing that by retreating to her side of the bed. I did some work, which helped a little. Heck I even jerked off once to get my mind off of things — too much information?! But I can’t help but be in a panic about things even though there is nothing I can do about things right now. I tried to call my boss at home earlier in the night hoping to have a conversation with him about things to truly see where things were since we didn’t get to do that today. However, I didn’t get him.

Just send any positive energy my way and wish me luck. I don’t know where this is all gonna turn out, but hopefully I’m just being hyper-sensitive to things. I hope so, but I can’t help thinking things could go bad.


July 18, 2006 - Posted by | Uncategorized


  1. (Positive energy vibes being sent to NY at the highest speed possible)

    Hope everything works out!


    Comment by Polt | July 18, 2006 | Reply

  2. good vibes from me as well….and an internet hug….

    Comment by Anonymous | July 18, 2006 | Reply

  3. Nothing like jacking off when you can’t get to sleep. I’ve been there!

    Comment by Paul | July 19, 2006 | Reply

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