Defending the Raven

Bisexual. Married. Man. Open. Read On.

It Worked for Us

In a recent national online survey of 1,092 swingers, 62.6 percent found that swinging improved their marriages/relationships (Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality, 2000). Among those with unhappy relationships, 90.4 percent said their relationships improved after swinging. The respondents also rated their lives as more satisfying and exciting. According to the numbers, the Lifestyle appears to discourage jealousy and cheating while promoting open, honest communication between couples and other sex partners.

This is from a cover article in this week’s New York Press called “Sex and the Faithful City” that explores the ever so trendy topic of the “new monogamy.” It’s a very interesting article in what it is ultimately saying, however, I think it fails in that it focused on the big lifestyle parties. Sure that’s what would be interesting to a mass readership — it’s teh salacious part — but that’s certainly not the whole story. There are plenty of couples out there like SR and I who don’t subscribe to the “lifestyle” aspect of things and don’t go to the parties. Yet, for us the outcome is the same. Exploring with others together has had an incredibly postitive impact on our marriage. I actually wrote this letter to the editor:

Kudos to you for publishing this article. However, I think you missed another important side of the story — those of us who don’t necessarily subscribe to the “lifestyle” aspect of things and don’t go to the big parties. My wife and I have been exploring with others for almost two years now and it has had an incredibly postivie impact on our marriage. We see exploring sexually with others together as an extension of our sex life and not a “lifestyle” choice. For us the casual, meat-market aspect of the lifestyle parties doesn’t work for us. Comb Craigslist on any day and you’ll find plenty of couples looking for something more laid back and less pressure filled. Drinks at a bar with some great conversation and flirting is the better approach for us. The personal connection for us is as important as the sex. So while there may be many people going to the parties there are plenty more of us out there who prefer something more private and intimate.

In a sort of related way The Age has a great article on bisexuality entitled “The B-word” — though think the title is funny and a disservice, almost like bisexuality is a dirty word. But the article does illustrate the potential issues with teh bi label and why it’s just not easy to apply as gay and straight, which are so clearly definable.

Happy reading!

; ; ; ;


June 29, 2006 - Posted by | Uncategorized

1 Comment »

  1. This is the most interesting post I’ve seen from you yet… 2 years. Positive effect.

    I think it will destroy my marriage. And I want it so much. And he’s so inconsistent about what he will admit he wants. I know what I need- but the reasons are wrong. And I need to protect him from being hurt.

    And I don’t always successfully fight… Different levels, different times.

    Comment by DevilBlueDress | July 14, 2006 | Reply

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