Defending the Raven

Bisexual. Married. Man. Open. Read On.

Sexual Frustration

I’m inredibly sexually frustrated — and it’s my own damn fault.

The weekend before this last one, SR and I had some incredibly hot and fun sex together. It was so fantastic and perfect in so many ways. One element of the fun was some naughty talk about others in the middle of it all. It got both of us going and kinda ramped things up a whole new level. Of course, one to not miss an opportunity I immediately set out to find someone(s) to include in the fun.

Some of our regulars were not around so ended up going to the old stand-by, craigslist. Fact of the matter is as a bi couple it’s pretty easy to find a regular supply of people. Sure you have to weed through the losers and fakers, but usually something rises to the top. It tends to be a single guy, but that’s fun too. I mean sure I get what I want, but it’s not just about my bi-ness. I truly get excited by seeing SR with another guy. I don’t tend to be the macho, possessive type, but I have to admit that I completely get off on the idea that a guy we are with is not gonna get to fuck SR without me letting him. In fact, in one of our more exciting encounters I actually put the condom on the guy and guided his cock into her pussy — talk about power (calm down people, SR ultimately has the say over someone fucking her. I always check in with her first).

So anyway I ended up chatting with this cool guy around our age. He is originally from Europe (somewhere near the Belgium/German border, which side he didn’t say, but based on pics and accent I’m saying German). We figured out that Tuesday would be a great night to get together. Well, to fast forward — it didn’t happen. He got caught up in work and by the time he was available it was too late for a school night. We like to meet for drinks and chill out and get to know someone first so it’s not like we could have just had him over and taken care of business. For us there is a little more to it than a casual hook-up. STRIKE ONE.

We were supposed to go away to my in-laws this weekend, but the weather forecast for there was even rainier than it ultimately was in nyc. My mother-in-law kinda suggested maybe this wasn’t a good weekend. Six people and a dog stuck in an un-air-conditioned house is not cool. We had a completely free weekend now. It was Gay Pride Weekend in nyc, but SR didn’t jump on any of my suggestions to partake in those festivities. I think she was afraid it’d be more about me than her (and she’s probably right). Our friends J&R were doing the Mermaid Parade in Coney Island, but the weather didn’t really get us interested in going out there (though come to find out they went to a great after party with lots of fun bi girls — oh well, SR’s loss). Instead, we went to a party one of the guys that works for SR was having. We weren’t supposed to stay late so I kinda had something tentative lined up to meet someone after. Well, we ended up staying MUCH later than expected and going out was just not gonna happen. STRIKE TWO.

It was now Sunday and we had nothing to do. I put the feelers out again looking for someone(s) very close by. A very no expectations, don’t have to travel far kinda thing. Ended up chatting with this really cool and really hot guy. Unfortuantely he lived too far away. Plus SR wasn’t really in the mood exactly. STRIKE THREE. (maybe something will happen in coming weeks with this guy because SR was very intrigued by him).

But the bigger thing is that I was totally obsessed and I think her comfort level started going down. I had kinda crossed the line and was pushing. I got so focused and driven that I think that she started to think that it’s not about us, but about me. She knows that it’s not, but to be honest she’s not entirely wrong. I do get driven by what I want. I don’t take the step back and chill out and relax.

This is something that is a reaccuring theme on a lot of bi guys blogs. When you get the itch you drive yourself crazy. It takes control and you just end up pushing everyone else aside in pursuit of it. I mean sure for me a lot of it driven by sharing the experience with SR, but it always ends up being guys (bi couples are rare and well I guess bi women just don’t respond to our ads even though they are supposed to flock to bi couples. maybe the fact that I’m bi is the turn-off. who knows). It’s something that I have gotten under better control, but the whole week of things not working out made it worse. The thing was that it started from such an awesome place of us sharing an intimate moment together. And it was something SR was totally on board for as well.

The lucky thing is that we were able to smooth things out yesterday. I think ultimately she really wanted to do something as well so that helped. I wish we had been able to work something out, but guess it just wasn’t the right timing. We have a busy two weeks and then are heading on vacation to Mexico the second week in July. I already have in my head the off chance of something wild and crazy happening in Mexico, but I highly doubt it. But I guess a man can hope and dream — as long as he doesn’t let it completely take him over.


June 26, 2006 - Posted by | Uncategorized

1 Comment »

  1. Mark –

    How right you are! There’s something that “takes control” when a guy’s horns come out. I can’t count the times I done things I later think was a waste of time — or at least an inappropriate focus. If I’d just get the sense to go in a room by myself and masturbate, the urge would likely go away …

    Nevertheless, you and SR seem to really have the ability to communicate well with each other. You correctly remember that it’s not just for/about yourself … but for/about each other. Kudos to you.

    Comment by Paul | June 27, 2006 | Reply

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