Defending the Raven

Bisexual. Married. Man. Open. Read On.

Don’t Diss the JuJu from Wherever it Comes

I woke up at 5:45 a.m. yesterday morning to drive SR to the airport so she could fly to the left coast for work. She will be away until Wed.nesday In married life, as odd as it may sound, you tend to cherish the time you have alone. Those evenings when the other one is working late or the rare overnights the other has someplace else — there is a refreshing quality to them. You can indulge in old habits you’ve exorcised and just have some time that is all about you, you, you. Then when you get back together you realized that you did miss the other one and it reconfirms that you are where you want to be and with whom. I highly recommend the time a part every now and then. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that bologna (yes, I did have to sing the Oscar Mayer song to spell that).

But on the other hand we have to look at the specific circumstances here. I have four days completely to myself where, with the exception of work, I can pretty much come and go as I please and do what I want. Like leaving an alocholic in an empty bar, giving someone who’s cheated free rein over their time can be just as dangerous. There is a level of addiction in cheating. The sexual part of this also ties together nicely with some of the old habits that I was looking forward to indulding in.

I was talking recently with a new friend that we met through other friends. He is in a relationship and we were talking about how our significant others were working late a lot of recent. And he jokingly talked about how it’s sometimes nice so that you can pour yourself a glass of wine (probably beer in my case) and spend the evening jerking off to your heart’s content. I had to respect his honesty in admitting that because it’s so true. I could sit around the house naked, watch some porn, and jerk off or test drive all our recent toy purchases to my heart’s content. SR wasn’t around to be able to be with so it’s not like I was wasting it (sorry for the awkward visual that may have caused for those of the similarly dirty-minded — my crush and PD [do you even still read me?]).

Of course that also gets my mind wandering to the dangerous zones and checking out online sites where meeting someone in person could be as easy as exchanging a couple of e-mails. But something happened yesterday early in my “checking things out” that put me in check fast. I randomly got an instant message from a guy I used to hook-up with back in the dark days. He is another married guy who I would meet during the week at lunch. His ability to rationalize his cheating away so easily was much of what caused me to be so messed up. The way he acted scared me because while I migth have envied his ability to rationalize it all away I didn’t want to become him. He has kinda kept in touch in the year and change since I came out as bi to my wife. I don’t engage him all that much in conversation, but don’t completely cut him off…. and here’s why. When he imed yesterday he said he had free time — unusual for a Sunday — and figured he’d see if I was around (apparently I’m that good because he was very disappointed when I cut him off).

Well, of course I was. My wife was out of town. I could have met him so quickly and easily. But then it was him. The fact that it was him reminded me of where I could be headed again if I opened that door. It totally killed any urge I might have had to do something. I can’t help but wonder if there was something else going on in the great cosmic world that he imed me just when I was feeling out the bad urges.

The bigger thing was that I ended up having some fun with myself and our new collection of toys. The satisfying result of that, besides the obvious, was that I realized what I was wanting could just as easily be taken care of without going into the bad stuff. The bad stuff I’ll save for when SR is around.





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March 20, 2006 - Posted by | Uncategorized

6 Comments »

  1. So true. Yesterday I felt I had a sort of perfect day sexually. A nap in the afternoon which started with me taking care of myself and admitedly having gay fantasies and going to bed with my wife at night and having a wonderful time in a very hetero way.

    My new therapist points out that the blogging is good because when I want to contact someone I know or just go on CL, the blogging becomes my outlet. And the toys work too.
    Nate fka Bibydays

    Comment by Bibydays | March 21, 2006 | Reply

  2. Dude, you just totally outed yourself as a Grey’s Anatomy viewer with that title.

    I know how you feel when it comes to knowing someone you could too-easily see yourself jumping into the sack with (mine’s JC) regardless of the fact it isn’t the best idea. I’m glad you’ve the willpower

    Comment by Dane | March 21, 2006 | Reply

  3. Got no problem with outing myself as Grey’s fan. I’ve talked about my affinity for the character of George and how I so easily relate to him. Oh and let’s not forget to mention I find T.R. Knight pretty damn sexy, but that’s just me.

    Not sure it’s so much will power as being reminded of the bad side effects (to continue the medical talk) of being stupid.

    Comment by Raven in NYC (aka Mark) | March 21, 2006 | Reply

  4. ah yes, that’s the (unfortunate) difference between fantasy and reality. in reality, there are often consequences to our actions…

    i’ve noticed recently that a good deal of the people i know have trouble dealing with that simple fact. way to go for recognizing it and reasoning through it in a way that works for you.

    Comment by P/O | March 21, 2006 | Reply

  5. what is JuJu anyway???
    is it, like, gumdrops???
    😉

    Comment by e.e. | March 21, 2006 | Reply

  6. You obviously don’t watch Grey’s Anatomy because the title was the final line of this week’s episode. But for all who might be wondering:
    JuJu: an object superstitiously believed to embody magical powers (sometimes used as a fetish, a charm, or an amulet in West Africa). Synonyms: charm, voodoo, hoodoo, fetish, fetich, or the supernatural power ascribed to such an object.

    Comment by Raven in NYC (aka Mark) | March 21, 2006 | Reply


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