Defending the Raven

Bisexual. Married. Man. Open. Read On.

Beers and a Little Hurting Out There

So not much to report from last night (unless you’ve been reading the comments fomr yesterday’s post in which case you might be thinking more than actually happened). Finally met p/o over beers last night. Unexpectedly met one of his friends — at least it wasn’t one of my friends so he had to take the lead on explaining how we knew each other. Lucky for him his friends know his blog exists. I on the other hand would have been stammering some lie that I hoped he would have just gone along with. It was a pretty fun night. We ended up going to one of my favorite bars that he used to go to all the time. The conversation was pretty nice and easy. Hoping we’ll get to hang out sometime, and maybe even with our respective better halves. I’d share pictures from the evening, but those were only for someone special.

And speaking of special people and blogger/online friends. There are two people that I’m thinking a lot about of late. One of them I know will be fine. She made a tough choice, but it was for the best and saved her pain in the long run. I know it’s not what she wanted, but sometimes we do need to step back and protect ourselves when we know things aren’t going right. I’m not worried about her — she’s a much stronger person than she remembers sometimes.

The other person… I don’t know. I guess I can say I’m worried about him, but I don’t know. I’ve been talking with him for almost a year and a half now and it’s always been pretty deep stuff. We have so much in common personality-wise, but enough differences to make it fun and interesting. But I don’t feel like I can read him as well any more and it makes me wonder how much he’s holding back because he’s at a point where big choices would need to be made and he can’t go there for obvious reasons. I hate to know that he’s unhappy and I worry that his unhappiness is gonna make things more difficult for him in other areas of his life as it did for me in the months when I was cheating on SR and I was miserable about the way everything was fucked up.

I’ve been through a lot in my life in the last two years. I’ve learned so much about myself and have truly become the true person that I am. Of course, knowing all this I wonder how I would do things different in my life or how my life would be different. Ultimately, I know that I would want to be with SR because I know in ways big and small that I couldn’t imagine myself being with anyone who makes me the full and better person I am and makes me as happy as I am. But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t have approached things differently in other areas. Would I have explored the other sides of me earlier — maybe? Would I have been more open and honest with SR about the other sides of me — definitely?

I don’t know what more to say… I guess I’m just a friend who’s worried. Who sees another friend in pain and struggling and I want to do more. I want to be more for him than I can because of geography. It’s frustrating.

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March 3, 2006 - Posted by | Uncategorized

2 Comments »

  1. If no one has ever told you before that you are SUCH a fantastic friend, then… well, they are NUTSO.
    You are an amazing friend both in person and virtually.
    Thank you for being there when I needed you. And even when I didn’t.

    Comment by e.e. | March 7, 2006 | Reply

  2. You inspired me to tell my own story. Thanks for sharing your thoughts here. Drop me a comment over at http://liveajar.wordpress.com.

    Ero

    Comment by Anonymous | March 9, 2006 | Reply


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