Defending the Raven

Bisexual. Married. Man. Open. Read On.

What’s the Point

I got an e-mail from a bibydays that I thought I’d share with the group because in a way it goes to the heart of why I blog.

Wasn’t sure whether this should be an e-mail, post or comment – the etiquette of the blog world is new to me, but found myself thinking about your postings. Last night I think I finally got it. I had been reading your postings on a very superficial basis. Here’s a guy, his wife knows he’s bi, they have a hot threesome… what more can one ask for.
Yesterday I had a good day – hooked up with a guy I have come to like, had a good week at work before my Friday afternoon tryst, came home to my wife, kids and our Friday nite perfect Manhattans. After dinner we were drinking and discussing my gay family in general and what the ultimate leaings of my 18 and 21 year old boys will end up being. Somewhere around then, I made a reference to my being bi in relation to this (still not an easy thing to say even to her), and before I could finish her head popped up and she simply said – “don’t go there.” At that moment I thought of your situation and “got it”. Who am I to counsel on whether there are more Octobers or Januarys out there.

Well see here’s the thing… not matter how messed up and difficult our own situations may be, sometimes it’s easier to view someone else’s situation clearly. I have spoken with many people through my blog and have been able to talk with them and hopefully have given them sound advice when asked. Just because my own situation has its ups and downs, it’s lefts and rights doesn’t mean that I cannot talk a friend through their situation. And in many ways in seeing what others struggle with I can understand my own issues better. It’s very much the “doctor heal theyself” or the “cobbles children are barefoot” type thing. In the hopes of changing that mentality, I share the things that I do because I hope that people will see themselves in my situations and learn. But also that they may have insight that is helpful to me.

Bibydays comment about more Octobers than Januarys was in reference to me wanting to get things back with SR like they were October. It was a helpful comment because the sentiment was true and real — and, ironically one that Ben’s wife threw back at me that I had given to her. We all know in our relationships that there are up times and down times (Octobers vs. Januarys). What keeps us moving is that there will be more Octobers than Januarys.


January 17, 2006 - Posted by | Uncategorized

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