Defending the Raven

Bisexual. Married. Man. Open. Read On.

Ladies and Gentleman, Restart Your Engines

I had a fantastic chat with Ben’s wife, K, today. In getting to know each other some online the three of us have determined that in many ways our relationships are very similar. More specifically, Ben and I are very similar and SR and K are very similar. It’s been a nice revelation because in chatting with K I can understand a lot about where SR is coming from and just get a woman’s perspective in general that is a lot like SR’s (Em, I still love ya, but you are the wild woman that comes out of SR after much coaxing).

While we had some great fun on Saturday night I know that what we both need most of all is some time alone to reconnect. After our 5th anniversary in October we seemed to reach a new level of intimacy and openness that was very exciting and it felt like we were really going somewhere in our sex life together — to the places I really want us to go. However, some interruptions in SR’s schedule and then the holidays have kinda gotten us off track. The nice thing is that unlike years ago where that would mean no sex for 2 months we have been staying “in touch,” but I want to get back to where we were.

I know I’ve touched on the issues that we have in our sex life sometimes on here before. There is a difference in our drives (I’m a slut and SR is more reserved though probably more average); I don’t like always being the initiator, but I’m becoming much more ok with it since there is much more of a willingness on her part to accept my initiative on a regular basis; SR is much more submissive/passive in her approach to things, which is often in conflict with things I want to explore — namely having her explore the bi side of me just the two of us, which does require her taking the active “top” role; Most importantly though my biggest issue is with her general orientation about the right time and place and having her practical side get in the way of having a good time. As I mentioned to K, I would love to just be able to take SR one night after work in the kitchen. Pull her pants down, bend her over and give it to her really good. Sure that’s the extreme, but I can take the middle ground between that and only being able to do it before 11:00 on a weeknight, but Friday or Saturday night are preferred. I don’t like being on a regimented schedule for sex.

These were all things that I felt were being ironed out and explored back in September and October and into November, but we’ve gotten off track.

In many ways I envy the fact that K and Ben have grown to a point where she can strap on a dildo and fuck him and such. However, I know that SR and I have to find our way there and we may not get there because that’s not how she is. I guess I also envy other people’s willingness to just be able to fuck or make love to their partner (there is a difference and a place for both) whenever and not on a schedule — I know I’m not alone in this situation, but we don’t have kids and other pressures that get in the way. Sure our jobs are tough, but really we have it good.

However, I’m hoping that starting today we will be able to reconnect to what we had going back in October. That while we may have taken a step back we’re still ahead of the game from where we’ve come in the last 17 months.

K suggested that maybe I should talk directly to SR about all this stuff and how I’m feeling. We have. She knows. I guess I’m at the point where we both know the issues in our sex life. I’ve decided to take on my role as Initiator and Dominant One to just move forward with where I want things to go. She’ll just have to come along for the ride and her influence as we go. I refuse to get myself down and upset over things not going where I want if I’m not taking an active enough role to make them happen. If I still continue to hit the brick wall then it’s time for the conversation.


January 10, 2006 - Posted by | Uncategorized

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