Defending the Raven

Bisexual. Married. Man. Open. Read On.

Orientation and Identity: Revisited

Note: Whoops! Thought I had posted this yesterday. Damn! Ah well.

I’m back in the blogging mood, but don’t have nearly enough time to write. Work is really, really busy, but it’s a great thing. I haven’t been so satisfied with my job and the craziness that comes with it for a long time. The best part is that the whole honeymoon part of having a new job has totally worn off so this is the real thing.

Spent the weekend at the in-laws for their annual Christmas party. It was great, but the only drawbacks were that 1) we’re gonna be doing the same basic trip this coming weekend 2) had the weekend away from our dog (who was with my parents) and we decided to leave him there since we’ll be back in a couple days and he’ll have more fun with them (we were torn between being selfish and taking him or letting him stay where we knew he’d have a better time with my parents and their dog), and 3) had lots of stuff to do last night (Sun.) for my office Christmas party.

You would have thought I would have been completely exhausted and passed out when we went to bed at midnight. Nope, not me! Wide awake. SR was out like a light and cuddling like crazy. I was flipping through the channels and somehow ended up on a documentary on HBO about intersexed people. I think it was called Middle Sex (the space obviously used to prevent it from enfringing on copywright of the book of the same topic). It was interesting, but not different than others I’ve seen before (SR is addicted to TV shoes on things like this). However, there was one interview with someone that just hit me square in the face. I have no idea what this guys connection to the whole arc of the docu was — I came in 15 miuntes late and ended up falling asleep.

However, this guy made a great comment. He said that sexual identity and orientation goes beyond straight, gay or bisexual. It goes even further to include the sexual things you are interested in, sexual acts, types of people, etc. This was obviously a fantastic quote in a docu about people who were struggling with being neither exclusively male or female.

But his comment really hit home for me because it makes total sense to me. Is one of the biggest problems we have with sex as a society is that we over-simplify sex? Do we try to fit everyone into neat little boxes so that there is an us and a them and we all feel safe?

If we thought of people less in a finite set of labels and rather in the full sexual being that they are as a person maybe we would be more comfortable with each other and be open with each other. Maybe if the straight guy who likes to be whipped will be more comfortable with a plain vanilla gay guy if they were just able to look at each in the eyes and just say different strokes (pun intended), different folks.

Yeah, this is all a very Pollyanna-ish point of view to take, but in thinking about it helps me understand myself and my feelings so much better. I stopped trying to make myself fit into a set mold a while ago, but it would be so great if we all could feel that way.


December 20, 2005 - Posted by | Uncategorized


  1. I once blogged about my utter hatred of labels, and your post here speaks to that. I agree, western society simplifies sex (well everything, really) in order to force everything into little categories. That’s why I prefer to simply call myself “sexual” rather than “bi-” or “homo-” or whatever.

    I haven’t watched that one yet, but like SR, I’m a tad addicted to them and will likely watch it sooner than later (do you get Sundance Channel? If so, are you/is she watching Transgeneration?)

    Comment by Dane | December 21, 2005 | Reply

  2. Dude. Where are you?

    Hope all is well, and you had a pair of great holidays.

    Comment by Dane | January 2, 2006 | Reply

  3. Excellent post! I, too, think that it’s difficult to fit myself into some neat little category.

    d/e: I like the “sexual” label. I’m gonna use that from now on.

    Comment by Eric | January 5, 2006 | Reply

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