Defending the Raven

Bisexual. Married. Man. Open. Read On.

Ok, but not quite right

As a kid I was pretty god at lying. To this day I’ll admit I can probably lie pretty well to anyone. Anyone except SR.

So after my blog blowout yesterday I was pretty upset. I thought about it a lot and PD was able to help talk a little sense into me (good friends really are one of the most important things in life). I realized that I probably needed to talk with SR about what I was feeling, but I was also thinking that I would wait and see what happened that night. We had a busy night so an in-depth conversation was not a smart thing to approach. Also, I wanted some distance. And I must admit I wanted to see what would happen when we were in bed last night.

When I got home and in the few moments we had before SR had to leave again she knew something was wrong with me. I told her it wasnothing — this is where not being able to lie toher comes in. I told her I was fine, that it was something silly, and not to worry about it. She was a little upset, but really I didn’t want this to be a drag out conversation anyway. We’ve had those I wanted to bring it up again without going into it too much.

She came back from her meeting (she’s on out coop board. they had a meeting. frustration usually ensues — another reason I didn’t want to go into thing because the meeting might have put her in a very foul mood) and we had dinner and things were fine. I was not so upset anymore and had realized that I was gonna wait to bring it up again.

In bed last night we did have sex. We never quite seemed in sync. It was fun and good, but we just seemed disconnected. A lot of that might be because we are normally so in sync. Also, I think it was a little forced because we had both been talking about it for a couple days. So it was like we were going throgh the motions of it to check it off the list.

So I’m not completely over it. I still have this feeling of wanting to be wanted … to be desired. I know I have to bring it up and talk about it. More to come I’m sure.

Thanks for all hanging in there and reading while I vent this stuff. I know that for a long time my blog was pretty hot and exciting. However, these things go in waves. Usually we need to have some slow times and break things down some. Hoping the action will get moving again soon 😉

I don’t want to leave you with the impression that I’m feeling relaly bad or this is somethine VERY SERIOUS. This is the reality of being open and honest with your spouse. You do feel things more rawly and don’t feel the compulsion to hide how you’re feeling. When you’ve broken down the walls and are honest it’s a good thing.






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November 2, 2005 - Posted by | Uncategorized

2 Comments »

  1. Hi Raven. Regarding your inability to lie to SR and telling her there was nothing wrong, I would just like to add this… Maybe the better move would have been to say, “Yes, there’s something I want to talk to you about, but now is not the time. It’s not all that serious, so don’t worry about it, but it will take more than 5 minutes to talk about. Let’s wait until we can sit down and discuss it fully.” I know this does you absolutely no good now (and of course, hindsight is 20/20), but I just wanted to offer that advice for “next time”. I sincerely hope everything works out for you and SR. We haven’t chatted in a long time, but you’ve been very kind to me and I feel somewhat of a kinship with you. Take care and feel free to drop me a line if you ever want to chat.

    Eric

    Comment by Eric | November 2, 2005 | Reply

  2. Let’s be honest, we would all be better off going back up in the trees and grunting and pointing when we wanted something.

    Mr. Morris
    Ask Morris

    Comment by Morris | November 4, 2005 | Reply


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