Defending the Raven

Bisexual. Married. Man. Open. Read On.

The Comment I’ve Been Waiting For

From: Bibiana
Date: Sep 14, 2005 10:46 PM

you wife get f**ked by another man – that is dam* so weird sigh … what the heck is going on in this world…

I received this comment in response to my most recent post about my wife spending the afternoon with R. I’ve actaully been waiting for a negative comment like this since I started writing and I hope Bibiana is still reading.

Here’s my thing. What’s so wrong with it?

I recently read about a report that said that 60% of married men and 40% of married women cheat on their partner. The divorce rate in the United States is over 50%. Ancedotally, I just heard of a family friend who’s daughter (24!) is getting divorced after 6 months of marriage because her husband was cheating on her.

Furthermore, the man my husband was with is 1) a good friend 2) also married 3) all four of us are friends and 4) we’ve all had sex together.

So what exactly is the problem?

I know the affect that cheating can have on a marraige… um, read back I cheated on my wife. Not something I’m proud of at all, but a fact nonetheless. A part, not all, of it was a result of a dysfunction in the sexual part of our relationship. In the year since I admitted my bisexuality and infidelity, and in turn her admitting her own bisexuality we have grown together in our relationship. We have also extended that to include expanding our sex life together to include others and other experiences. It’s something we share in together to do new and different things, and to keep thigns fresh and exciting.

So, Bibiana, tell me what world do you prefer to live in?

1) A world where people unhappy in a marriage go out and have affairs without their spouse knowing?


2) A healthy marriage where there is a level of openness, communication, and sharing that is based in love and trust?


September 15, 2005 - Posted by | Uncategorized


  1. Well, I’d take #2 but eh, that’s just me.

    Sadly, there are people who’s narrow minded views on how they believe things “should” be that will never understand what you and your wife share. It’s all black and white for them and allowing a bit of color to creep in would offend their archaic sense of what’s right and what’s wrong.

    I say fuck ’em, shrug, you just keep on keepin’ on.


    Comment by Aimee and Angie | September 16, 2005 | Reply

  2. My significant other and I have been talking about exploring the swinging lifestyle but have not taken that huge jump forward yet. I want to ~ be with him and females so it is not a trust issue with either of us but more of a scared to run into weirdo type of thing.

    *sigh* If it works for you and yours, who cares what anyone else thinks? They are probably just jealous!

    Comment by Serenity | September 16, 2005 | Reply

  3. I was waiting for a response to that comment. What you and your wife has is very special. I envy you and I hope you don’t let comments like these bother you. Keep on living you life and be happy. That’s all that matters.

    Comment by Eric | September 16, 2005 | Reply

  4. My wife would have to grow a detachable penis and be able to change shape and personality at will for me to be monogamous and make it work…

    Comment by Dane | September 16, 2005 | Reply

  5. Dude! Where the fuck’s your HNT?

    Granted, I skipped out on mine too… next week, though.

    Comment by Dane | September 16, 2005 | Reply

  6. Bravo!

    I was also waiting for a commentary on her comment. I could not have said it better myself.

    I always enjoy your blog entries.


    Comment by mr. & mrs. | September 16, 2005 | Reply

  7. Yeah you are right, if you both are open and honest and have communication about wants and needs.. THAT is the key. If you feel that its what you want to do .. have fun and love life.

    I know quite a few people that do this,and are happy doing it. For me.. I dont think I could handle mr sxxy cheating but thats alllllways in my head lol.. hope he isnt that 60 percent 🙂 now if he wanted to openly do something I can say Id only be okay with it if I had my own thing too . I have a cousin who’s first marriage ended from trying this out. Her man couldnt handle the fact that it was easier for her to get some than for him too.. even though he was the one that wanted the open thing.. go figure. LOL

    Comment by Jess | September 17, 2005 | Reply

  8. Dear Raven,

    I’m sorry if I offended you and the readers in any ways, but my apologies doesn’t mean that I am taking back my words because it is fair that everyone should have their own opinion and thoughts. Perhaps our living style, culture, background and environment are not the same, and therefore I couldn’t accept the way you and your wife lives life. It is for sure not about jealousy or hate… as the matter of fact we are just sharing some thoughts here I believe? As for me, there’s always another option for a better living style, and sex is not the priority. I would prefer to live in a healthy marriage where my partner and I have a privacy and intimation of our self. Not saying like a fairy tales that live happy ever after, but at least we should play our roles as a husband or wife to maintain our marriage. If divorce occurred and it is destiny then no one should be blame but our self, but I would blame for the faith that not have in me. : ) Well, we always have our own choice of living and we should not easily get influence by what others says. So suit yourself and live life to the fullest. : )

    Comment by Bibiana | September 17, 2005 | Reply

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