Defending the Raven

Bisexual. Married. Man. Open. Read On.

Bitter People Make Me Sad

So being a typical guy I do troll some online personal sites for my own amusement and of course for the eye candy. One of them is a very popular gay men’s site. My wife knows about all of them and even has my passwords for them and can go in and see who I’m talking to. In fact, she has admitted that on evenings where I’ve worked late or something she’s gone in and read some of the messages I’ve exchanged with guys. Where that’s led to she gets all shy about? Guess we all know what that means?!?!

Anyway I had a really interesting exchange with a guy online today. I actually feel pretty sad for him because he just seems like he’s a really bitter guy. Bitter about what I have no idea. What he was saying kinda pissed me off at first. Here’s our exchange (so far):

Him: you must have a wonderful marriage!

Me: I do indeed. It’s very open and honest,

Him: thats not a marriage….look at the definition of marriage!

Me: wow man…get a fucking life! and what would be the definition of a marriage to you? this is the second asshole type message you’ve left me. what the hell is your problem?

him: I think you are gross.

him: you are what we call a pitty fuck

me: Oh you’re speaking for a whole group of people are you now because that’s funny. If we’re gonna do that you are what we call a frustrated, pathetic loser who has nothing better to do than spend his time online critcizing other people’s healthy lives.

It’s pretty sad, but shouldn’t be so surprised since you come off like a pretty big asshole in your ad**. But I’m sure there is some doormat of a person out there for you to abuse so I wish nothing but the best for you.

him: keep telling that to yourself.

me: well, thanks for the amusing conversation. i already know i’m much happier in life then you obviously are. hope that changes for you.

** – His ad:
Looking to get sucked and suck.
Neg here and expect the same.
I am UPTOWN, if you are in BKLYN/QUEENS and you are not gonna travel…

I’ve reached a point in my life where I have come to be able to not care what people think of me all that much. Sure I care, but I’m gonna care about the people who matter in my life or who can affect my life. Not some anonymous dickhead who is preaching to me ON A GAY HOOK-UP WEBSITE!

However, I can take the step back and take a look at this more critically. It is interesting because I had a great e-mail exchange with David on Defining David regarding comments posted on his blog when he put up a post about the NY Times article about bisexuality from earlier this week. It really came down to gay men’s attitudes about bisexual men. But really what it comes down to, for me, is judging people.

I find it highly hypocritical to have people who are so criticized and judged for being who they are from judging others. I realize that I am in a “majority” position as a white, middle class, successful, man who is married, has a mortgage, a dog, a car, and parents who are still married after 32 years. I don’t understand what it’s like to be black, a woman, gay, poor, etc. and never will. There’s nothing I can do about it. This is the role in life I got. I am also very cognizant of my own ingrained biases that we all have (I used to live in the Bronx and will admit I’ve unconsciously locked my car doors driving at night after seeing a group of minorities. Do I like that? No, but I’ll openly admit and do yell at myself. Anyone who knows muscial theater will know a great song from Avenue Q called “Everyone’s A Little Bit Racist”).

So in the one instance where I am outside of “normal,” being bi, I do take offense when I have someone, like the guy above, lecturing me on my marriage. In a society where 50% of marriages fail for what can usually be bolied down to bad communication, why should I care if someone doesn’t approve of my marriage and the place my wife and I are?

I don’t know why I exgaged the guy, but that’s a character flaw. I like putting myself in situations like this sometimes I guess.


July 7, 2005 - Posted by | Uncategorized


  1. I think you responded appropriately. Apparently he is just a loser who needs a hobby. I don’t think setting online waiting to critize people is much of a life.

    Comment by David | July 8, 2005 | Reply

  2. I concur with David.

    And being in similar situations often enough, I feel your frustration.

    Comment by Evan | July 8, 2005 | Reply

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