Defending the Raven

Bisexual. Married. Man. Open. Read On.

You Always Remember Your First Time

2004 was a year full of lots of dates that I remember. August 30 is the worst of them. September 24 was a great one to remember though. This was the first time my wife and I took the step out into the world of “swinging.” I use that world very reluctantly because of the connotations that come along with it. As I mentioned in an earlier post there is a whole subculture out there of parties and people “into the lifestyle.” People who meet other couples or attend sex parties on a regular basis. That’s not us. We spent a lot of time talking about things and sharing what we were interested. In doing that we came to a quick agreement how we felt about things and how we wanted to approach things.

We don’t subscribe to the lifestyle aspect of things. Exploring with others has as much to do with meeting new people as it has to do with experiencing new things together. We enjoy getting to know people first and foremost. We tend to like to exchange e-mails and always like to meet for drinks first. Of course, we all know how we originally met and what the ultimate goal of the evening might be, but we like to feel comfortable with people first.

That’s definitely how our first experience was. Since we were very new to things we kind took things slowly and explored the various websites out there. We ended up connecting with one couple pretty early. They were about our age and both bi. We exchanged a bunch of e-mails and found out we had a lot in commone. It was actually pretty great to see that there was another couple out there just like us. Very down to earth and normal on the surface, but had a hidden side.

After some back and forth we decided to meet at a bar near their apartment. It was pretty early in the evening so the place was empty. However, it didn’t really matter because we feel into a rhythm of conversation pretty easily. It was just like we were hanging out with friends for drinks. We got pizza, went to another bar, and then decided to go back to their place. They were pretty cool with the whole idea that we were new to things.

The funniest part of the evening was that things got slightly awkward when we got back to their place. However, we ended up playing a funny game of spin the bottle to break the ice. That worked pretty well and then things just kinda evolved from there. It was a pretty incredible experience for both of us. It was the first time my wife had ever been with another woman and the first time we’d seen each other with someone else. I must admit the hottest part of the evening for me was to watch my wife going down on another women while that woman’s boyfriend was going down on me. The fluidity of the whole experience and the exploration of all the angles was incredibly exciting.

The most interesting part of things was that in the days after my wife and I had some incredible sex alone with each other. It was as though we now fully understood each other sexually and wanted to explore all of that together. Though I suppose another great postscript to that evening was that the couple we met would also give us our first group experience in December, but that story is for another time.


July 1, 2005 - Posted by | Explori-stories


  1. The best part of this post has to do with your conversations with your partner.

    Thanks for your notes on my blog. I look forward to following yours.

    Comment by Jefferson | July 4, 2005 | Reply

  2. The coolest thing, for me, is that the two of you’ve been doing some of this exploration together. While my wife and I are free to be safe and play where we choose, we’ve never done so together

    Comment by Evan | July 8, 2005 | Reply

  3. It is pretty amazing to be able to share every part of your sexuality with the person you care about and love in the world more than anyone else. Actually it has heighted out love for each other in a bizarre way. We feel more connected than ever. It’s certainly not for everyone. The most important things I think are that we are both bi and that we are both not the jealous type of people. If it’s something you’d even consider I’d make sure you both talked about it a lot at first… in bed and out of bed.

    Comment by Raven in NYC (aka Mark) | July 8, 2005 | Reply

  4. David i think you are one sick person,who needs Gods help as a matter of fact we all do,i will pray for all of you.

    Comment by Anonymous | April 21, 2006 | Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: