Defending the Raven

Bisexual. Married. Man. Open. Read On.

Superstitions, Compulsions, and Other Things That Run My Life

One of the oddities of my personality is that I’m superstitious. However, the odder thing about it is that I truly believe there are more compulsions rather than true superstitions. Some weird examples:

  1. I habitually check my horoscope and put a little more than a passing thought into what it says (though in my defense I have had a few creepy “coincidences” when it comes to horoscope: one time it said a friend from your past will reach out to you today, and then I got an e-mail from a friend from high school I hadn’t heard from in about 3 years later that afternooon; and, then just the other day my horoscope referenced the stripped shirt I was wearing and I hadn’t checked my horoscope before I got dressed).
  2. The in-box of my e-mail gives me the number of new messages I have. If I have 13 new messages I will quickly open one to make the number not 13. I’ll even go further and open a couple just so that it can’t get to 13 too easily.
  3. I assign great importance to things involving my two favorite numbers.
  4. I always knock on wood — OR “Knock on NOT wood” if there’s none around … I don’t like to step on cracks in the sidewalk…

… the list can go on and on. However, I’ve come to realize that I do have an obsessive personality. Years spent as an obese person is the most obvious example, but I’m also an impulsive cleaner. Sometimes, at work or at home, I feel this overwhelming urge to clean or straighten things up. I need things to be ordered and organized. I am whatever the phrase for the exact opposite of a “pack rat” it.

I have generally accepted it as a need to have some control or order in my life when there are times when I don’t feel in control. I find this most often at work. If I am being successful and productive my desk can go days without me cleaning it off. I don’t feel the need to have things organized because I’m working. But if things are slow or if I’m feeling less in command there is not doubt that my desk will be neat and orderly or I’ll have just organized a stack of papers that I’ve been waiting for the right moment to put in binders or something.

While I may read my horoscope and even exchange horoscopes with one friend–it is more an entertaining superstition–ultimately, I believe we are the masters of our own fate and I can make good horoscopes come true or bad ones be wrong. However, the rest are obviously artificial ways for me to keep order and control in my life. I sometimes view them as a personality flaw that I need to work on…

BUT maybe they are a personality quirk that make me just a little bit different and helps keep me going form day to day.

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June 21, 2005 - Posted by | Uncategorized

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